A few things. I would expect a writing application to have incredible copywriting. You have to out-write the writers!
Here are some examples where the text could be improved, though really the whole page needs to be rewritten using the inverted pyramid.
1. "Api" should be "API".
2. "You're the skilled developer, so why would it be ok to settle for technical constraints as soon as there's manageable content involved?" is awkward. I actually don't know what you're pitching. What is manageable content? Why use a fill verb like "involved" instead of something concrete?
3. "prismic.io helps you make all your content adaptable to all possible designs." is passive. "prismic.io adapts your content to..." who knows.
4. "All possible designs" is clearly impossible.
Second, I still don't know what this does after reading the homepage.
Third, the title of this post was too vague. Maybe that was beyond your control. Did you submit it?
Fourth, almost all the graphics are not related to the application. Show don't tell!
Thanks for the valuable feedback.
Here is a question, do you think the following explains well the product?
"prismic.io is a different approach to content management.
It features a Writing Room for content writers to author and manage content,
and a Content Query Api for developers to integrate managed content into any website or app."
I think the idea is that you expose the content through an API which can be inserted anywhere.
Prismic.io, an API for content.
Prismic.io is a content management system that only publishes through an API. Let your writers focus on writing and your developers and designers can focus on layout.
"It features a Writing Room for content writers to author and manage content"
I don't know why I'm supposed to want a Writing Room. What makes it more desirable than the post entry pages I'm used to? I think a brief explanation of what value the Writing Room adds would be helpful.
"a Content Query Api for developers to integrate managed content into any website or app."
This should be another sentence and may not be considered a feature depending on who your target is. Also, "integrate managed content" is a little hard to understand. Maybe "embed content" instead.
I will definitely consider the criticism on tone. However, there can be no slack for English as a second language. They are marketing in English to a market of writers. In any vertical of creatives, you really must outdo your market. They need to get sharp quickly.
Comments
A few things. I would expect a writing application to have incredible copywriting. You have to out-write the writers!
Here are some examples where the text could be improved, though really the whole page needs to be rewritten using the inverted pyramid.
1. "Api" should be "API".
2. "You're the skilled developer, so why would it be ok to settle for technical constraints as soon as there's manageable content involved?" is awkward. I actually don't know what you're pitching. What is manageable content? Why use a fill verb like "involved" instead of something concrete?
3. "prismic.io helps you make all your content adaptable to all possible designs." is passive. "prismic.io adapts your content to..." who knows.
4. "All possible designs" is clearly impossible.
Second, I still don't know what this does after reading the homepage.
Third, the title of this post was too vague. Maybe that was beyond your control. Did you submit it?
Fourth, almost all the graphics are not related to the application. Show don't tell!
Thanks for the valuable feedback. Here is a question, do you think the following explains well the product?
"prismic.io is a different approach to content management. It features a Writing Room for content writers to author and manage content, and a Content Query Api for developers to integrate managed content into any website or app."
Again, please spell API correctly. It's an acronym, not a word.
Second, your jargon is for yourselves. You need to speak in the language of your customers.
1. What is a Writing Room?
2. What is a Content Query API?
3. What is managed content?
Third, don't advertise your writing. "prismic.io is a different approach to content management" should be obvious and left unstated.
By the way, this customer testimonial is not helping you. I already feel exhausted thinking about how much work it will be to use you. http://www.elastic.io/blog/82796857416/why-we-chose-api-base...
I think the idea is that you expose the content through an API which can be inserted anywhere.
Prismic.io, an API for content.
Prismic.io is a content management system that only publishes through an API. Let your writers focus on writing and your developers and designers can focus on layout.
"It features a Writing Room for content writers to author and manage content"
I don't know why I'm supposed to want a Writing Room. What makes it more desirable than the post entry pages I'm used to? I think a brief explanation of what value the Writing Room adds would be helpful.
"a Content Query Api for developers to integrate managed content into any website or app."
This should be another sentence and may not be considered a feature depending on who your target is. Also, "integrate managed content" is a little hard to understand. Maybe "embed content" instead.
I still have no idea what you're doing. Are you trying to be a middle-man between writers and content farms?
I really hate this kind of comments. It wouldn't hurt to be a little constructive while criticising someone's work.
What's not constructive about it? He's literally giving sentence by sentence grammatical feedback...I'd be pretty happy to get advice like that.
Don't want to derail offtopic here, but it's really just in the delivery. It came off a tiny bit pretentious to me.
Normally, yes, but their first language doesn't seem to be English. Might be reason enough to temper things a bit.
I will definitely consider the criticism on tone. However, there can be no slack for English as a second language. They are marketing in English to a market of writers. In any vertical of creatives, you really must outdo your market. They need to get sharp quickly.
Agree, criticism is good, but constructive delivery is better both for the criticized and the community at large.