All the girls our age are in college. Literally all of them. It makes dating very difficult.
This is a limiting belief that you've ingrained deep down and it is seriously hurting you.
You really, really need to work on this. The truth is, you're not 100% sure you made the right call and this is seeping through.
You have a job. Income. Probably your own place, car, etc.
You know what she has? Debt.
You're not working at McDonalds. You have a job that she will kill for years from now.
Also, there is nothing wrong with dating slightly older women. Especially those who just graduated and realize they pissed away four years of their life to work as a secretary.
You're probably right that it's a limiting belief/excuse on my part, but the reality is dating outside of college is more difficult than doing so as a college student. This is compounded with the fact that like a lot of other techy people I was awkward with the opposite sex in high school. I still haven't fully gotten over that attitude now that I'm in the real world, and you were obviously able to pick up on that. But I'm working on it. I have interesting hobbies, go out every now and then (mostly to concerts), I'm trying to dress better, and I work out a few times a week (which has done wonders for my self confidence). But hey, if you've got any dating advice I'm definitely willing to listen.
This is compounded with the fact that like a lot of other techy people I was awkward with the opposite sex in high school.
Same here.
I have interesting hobbies, go out every now and then (mostly to concerts), I'm trying to dress better, and I work out a few times a week (which has done wonders for my self confidence).
Bingo. You need to be in a place where you are satisfied. Not happy. Nobody can be happy alone. But satisfied that you are leading the life that you want.
Very few people get that chance in life. To truly lead the life they want and desire for themselves.
But hey, if you've got any dating advice I'm definitely willing to listen.
Get into a habit of doing one new thing a day. Even things you're uncomfortable with. Just by virtue of doing that, you'll end up meeting new people and will begin to see things in a new light. It'll also make your life more interesting and fun.
Dating advice? Keep it simple. Figure out what you want. Go after it. Don't give up, keep pushing forward.
If you really want a girl your age, go after that. I know you convinced yourself they're all in college. They're not. There are plenty of women who didn't go to college and went into a profession directly, just like you. Models come to mind. Want to date a model?
Think about this again and again, until you realize you are not at a disadvantage, but are actually so far ahead of the pack, you can't even see the losers behind you. Seriously.
Many colleges these days (particularly in progressive urban areas) have a big hook-up culture. Dating in college is pretty tough too: very few people are actually interested in dating, it's largely "I got drunk at a party and hooked up with this guy I met on the dance floor".
The equation changes dramatically after age 30, when a number of women who spent their 20s figuring out what they want, going after it, and generally making themselves awesome all decide they want to find a husband, and then realize that many of the guys who were interested in committing got married in their mid-20s, and many of the guys who are left have no intention of settling down...ever.
If I had to give advice to my 20-year-old self, as my 32-year-old-with-a-steady-girlfriend-self who didn't start dating until 29, it'd probably be not to sweat it so much. Go out, explore life, meet women, have fun, and realize that nobody has it figured out at 20. Being picky and taking dating more seriously than it needs to be just meant that I got to make all the mistakes at age 30 that I should've made at age 20.
This is good advice. Thanks. I do have a habit of overthinking things and spending too much time in my head. I'll try to stop taking dating (and myself even) too seriously.
Comments
This is a limiting belief that you've ingrained deep down and it is seriously hurting you.
You really, really need to work on this. The truth is, you're not 100% sure you made the right call and this is seeping through.
You have a job. Income. Probably your own place, car, etc. You know what she has? Debt.
You're not working at McDonalds. You have a job that she will kill for years from now.
Also, there is nothing wrong with dating slightly older women. Especially those who just graduated and realize they pissed away four years of their life to work as a secretary.
You're probably right that it's a limiting belief/excuse on my part, but the reality is dating outside of college is more difficult than doing so as a college student. This is compounded with the fact that like a lot of other techy people I was awkward with the opposite sex in high school. I still haven't fully gotten over that attitude now that I'm in the real world, and you were obviously able to pick up on that. But I'm working on it. I have interesting hobbies, go out every now and then (mostly to concerts), I'm trying to dress better, and I work out a few times a week (which has done wonders for my self confidence). But hey, if you've got any dating advice I'm definitely willing to listen.
Same here.
Bingo. You need to be in a place where you are satisfied. Not happy. Nobody can be happy alone. But satisfied that you are leading the life that you want.
Very few people get that chance in life. To truly lead the life they want and desire for themselves.
Get into a habit of doing one new thing a day. Even things you're uncomfortable with. Just by virtue of doing that, you'll end up meeting new people and will begin to see things in a new light. It'll also make your life more interesting and fun.
Dating advice? Keep it simple. Figure out what you want. Go after it. Don't give up, keep pushing forward.
If you really want a girl your age, go after that. I know you convinced yourself they're all in college. They're not. There are plenty of women who didn't go to college and went into a profession directly, just like you. Models come to mind. Want to date a model?
Think about this again and again, until you realize you are not at a disadvantage, but are actually so far ahead of the pack, you can't even see the losers behind you. Seriously.
Dating models would be nice. If I figure out how to do that I'll be sure to let you know. ;)
In any case I'll think over what you've said here and try to be more social and stop sabotaging my dating life. Thanks dude.
Many colleges these days (particularly in progressive urban areas) have a big hook-up culture. Dating in college is pretty tough too: very few people are actually interested in dating, it's largely "I got drunk at a party and hooked up with this guy I met on the dance floor".
The equation changes dramatically after age 30, when a number of women who spent their 20s figuring out what they want, going after it, and generally making themselves awesome all decide they want to find a husband, and then realize that many of the guys who were interested in committing got married in their mid-20s, and many of the guys who are left have no intention of settling down...ever.
If I had to give advice to my 20-year-old self, as my 32-year-old-with-a-steady-girlfriend-self who didn't start dating until 29, it'd probably be not to sweat it so much. Go out, explore life, meet women, have fun, and realize that nobody has it figured out at 20. Being picky and taking dating more seriously than it needs to be just meant that I got to make all the mistakes at age 30 that I should've made at age 20.
This is good advice. Thanks. I do have a habit of overthinking things and spending too much time in my head. I'll try to stop taking dating (and myself even) too seriously.