Whoa, that's two of my "literary" pet peeves right there :(
"world of" when it doesn't even apply and should be left out (it's just like "nothing short of", such stuff can be chained forever without adding one iota of meaning to a sentence)
"reinvent" when you actually mean "improve".
Since that's all the info you're really given, this doesn't work for me, at all.
To be slightly more constructive.. though I'm not sure what exactly you are planning to do, making coupons more useful, or less of a pain to deal with, is a good thing, right?
It's just that overselling something with too grand language can really backfire, it does on me in this case; combined with no real hard info it feels like giving your email address for a cat in the bag. All I know about that cat is that it likes marketing and coupons.
Why not just say "here's what we intend to do and how we'll do it, this is how you can stay informed / in touch"?
Comments
"We are reinventing the world of coupons."
Whoa, that's two of my "literary" pet peeves right there :(
"world of" when it doesn't even apply and should be left out (it's just like "nothing short of", such stuff can be chained forever without adding one iota of meaning to a sentence)
"reinvent" when you actually mean "improve".
Since that's all the info you're really given, this doesn't work for me, at all.
To be slightly more constructive.. though I'm not sure what exactly you are planning to do, making coupons more useful, or less of a pain to deal with, is a good thing, right?
It's just that overselling something with too grand language can really backfire, it does on me in this case; combined with no real hard info it feels like giving your email address for a cat in the bag. All I know about that cat is that it likes marketing and coupons.
Why not just say "here's what we intend to do and how we'll do it, this is how you can stay informed / in touch"?