For me, travelling outside my city and country lead to the biggest improvement in obtaining the courage of which you seek.
It boiled down to putting myself in a situation where I could go, "What's the worst that could happen? I'll probably never meet these people again in my life, so, so what if they end up thinking I'm an idiot?".
Of course that's ignoring the risk of viral video and retweeting which weren't really an issue back then. :D
The interesting result was that, if, say, I was in a group and asked what I worried might be a stupid question, but asked anyway, I'd have people come up to me after who would say "Hey, thanks so much for asking, I wondered the same thing, but was too worried/shy to ask".
Then I could revise my self-talk to "Hey, I'm probably not the only person wanting to ask this question, so it's okay for me to do so".
Also, spend less time listening to yourself tell you why you shouldn't. And go ahead.
Start now! Turn to the person nearest you who you don't know and start a conversation. Then come back and tell us how terribly it went and how you would've been better not to have started it.
To be honest, you need to just suck it up and try it, consequences be damned. You're going to suck for a while, embrace it.
I think that's a difficulty for smart people, we're used to being good at things easily and when we aren't we avoid them. It's OK to not be good at something if you're just starting out. You will make mistakes, it's your job to learn from them and get better.
> I think that's a difficulty for smart people, we're used to being good at things easily and when we aren't we avoid them.
I think "smart people" want to avoid the "I feel dumb" stage of learning. Actually, I suspect most people do. :) When it's something that's familiar (like learning a new API or language) we can get through it with familiar tools (e.g. our brain) so it's not quite as bad.
When it's something unfamiliar (like improving conversation with people) it's a longer & more obvious stage and our usual tools don't help. (Particularly when we have our critical brain along for the ride.)
> It's OK to not be good at something if you're just starting out.
I definitely had to remind myself of that when I enrolled in an Improv Theatre course recently. :D
What I (as a very shy person indeed) try to remember is that if the other person is alone they probably want somebody to talk to. Even when I've been to events with my wife, the both of us really want to find others to talk with. Some of the time I don't end up getting the courage up to talk to strangers but sometimes I do, which just helps build my confidence up for the next time.
The other big tip is always "Fake it til you make it". I just try to think of what somebody who's good with people will do then try to do that. The other person doesn't know you have a hard time with strangers, pretending can help move you a little ways forward.
Would you do it for $1k? Sure you would. Just think about how each connection and subsequent reactions and the ripple effect will ultimately lead to the average conversation in a business setting worth $1k.
Comments
> Start out easy. [..] Just stick out your hand, smile slightly, and say “Hi
Question: How do I get the courage to get that far?
Practice. (Ugh, how helpful... :) )
For me, travelling outside my city and country lead to the biggest improvement in obtaining the courage of which you seek.
It boiled down to putting myself in a situation where I could go, "What's the worst that could happen? I'll probably never meet these people again in my life, so, so what if they end up thinking I'm an idiot?".
Of course that's ignoring the risk of viral video and retweeting which weren't really an issue back then. :D
The interesting result was that, if, say, I was in a group and asked what I worried might be a stupid question, but asked anyway, I'd have people come up to me after who would say "Hey, thanks so much for asking, I wondered the same thing, but was too worried/shy to ask".
Then I could revise my self-talk to "Hey, I'm probably not the only person wanting to ask this question, so it's okay for me to do so".
Also, spend less time listening to yourself tell you why you shouldn't. And go ahead.
Start now! Turn to the person nearest you who you don't know and start a conversation. Then come back and tell us how terribly it went and how you would've been better not to have started it.
Or, you know, if it goes well. :)
To be honest, you need to just suck it up and try it, consequences be damned. You're going to suck for a while, embrace it.
I think that's a difficulty for smart people, we're used to being good at things easily and when we aren't we avoid them. It's OK to not be good at something if you're just starting out. You will make mistakes, it's your job to learn from them and get better.
> "You're going to suck for a while, embrace it."
Yeah, that's a good thing to remember.
> I think that's a difficulty for smart people, we're used to being good at things easily and when we aren't we avoid them.
I think "smart people" want to avoid the "I feel dumb" stage of learning. Actually, I suspect most people do. :) When it's something that's familiar (like learning a new API or language) we can get through it with familiar tools (e.g. our brain) so it's not quite as bad.
When it's something unfamiliar (like improving conversation with people) it's a longer & more obvious stage and our usual tools don't help. (Particularly when we have our critical brain along for the ride.)
> It's OK to not be good at something if you're just starting out.
I definitely had to remind myself of that when I enrolled in an Improv Theatre course recently. :D
Good advice.
What I (as a very shy person indeed) try to remember is that if the other person is alone they probably want somebody to talk to. Even when I've been to events with my wife, the both of us really want to find others to talk with. Some of the time I don't end up getting the courage up to talk to strangers but sometimes I do, which just helps build my confidence up for the next time.
The other big tip is always "Fake it til you make it". I just try to think of what somebody who's good with people will do then try to do that. The other person doesn't know you have a hard time with strangers, pretending can help move you a little ways forward.
Would you do it for $1k? Sure you would. Just think about how each connection and subsequent reactions and the ripple effect will ultimately lead to the average conversation in a business setting worth $1k.