"I think the desire to 'appear' interesting vein and is futile."
If you are suggesting a difference between "appearing" and "actually" being interesting, I think you miss what interesting means. Interestingness is not some abstract or physical quantity. It's a perception.
If someone perceives you as interesting you are interesting. To them, at least. Someone who sits alone brooding over what they consider interesting topics is not interesting -- except to people who are interested in brooding loners.
Your distinction between appearing to matter and mattering sounds like the difference between getting a job or project done or not. Producing results is orthogonal. Might as well get the job done and be interesting.
I've always produced, but I've only recently learned to be interesting. Being interesting and making connections is great. Life is much better when people like taking an interest in you.
You are right that the word "interesting" is a perception but I think what the parent post was suggesting was that: there is the definite possibility that on doing what the author of the article suggests you appear 'interesting' for some people, but to others you appear as somebody inauthentically 'trying to appear interesting'.
I agree with the parent post. Although I'd consider this kind of person relatively interesting, I'd mentally put them on a lower level for doing 'interesting things' with a lack of passion.
Perhaps I should use different terminology, but in my own interactions with people, I do find myself distinguishing people who "seemed interesting" from those who "really" turned out to be interesting. It mostly has to do with long-term perceptions after we've interacted for a while, and whether the interestingness turns out to be sustainable and have depth.
Comments
"I think the desire to 'appear' interesting vein and is futile."
If you are suggesting a difference between "appearing" and "actually" being interesting, I think you miss what interesting means. Interestingness is not some abstract or physical quantity. It's a perception.
If someone perceives you as interesting you are interesting. To them, at least. Someone who sits alone brooding over what they consider interesting topics is not interesting -- except to people who are interested in brooding loners.
Your distinction between appearing to matter and mattering sounds like the difference between getting a job or project done or not. Producing results is orthogonal. Might as well get the job done and be interesting.
I've always produced, but I've only recently learned to be interesting. Being interesting and making connections is great. Life is much better when people like taking an interest in you.
Anyway, I wrote a series on communication skills exercises that help people communicate and make connections -- http://joshuaspodek.com/communication-skills-exercises-6. They work great.
You are right that the word "interesting" is a perception but I think what the parent post was suggesting was that: there is the definite possibility that on doing what the author of the article suggests you appear 'interesting' for some people, but to others you appear as somebody inauthentically 'trying to appear interesting'.
I agree with the parent post. Although I'd consider this kind of person relatively interesting, I'd mentally put them on a lower level for doing 'interesting things' with a lack of passion.
Perhaps I should use different terminology, but in my own interactions with people, I do find myself distinguishing people who "seemed interesting" from those who "really" turned out to be interesting. It mostly has to do with long-term perceptions after we've interacted for a while, and whether the interestingness turns out to be sustainable and have depth.
very interesting and helpful post. thanks for sharing