Birthday reminders are one of the reasons I've practically abandoned Facebook.
Seeing people wish you happy birthday on there by clicking a button encapsulates how false the narrative is; if the reason you remembered my birthday is that Facebook told you then we don't have a relationship where you should be sending me a birthday message.
The only thing more annoying is that now LinkedIn does it too. That's just weird.
Seeing people wish you happy birthday on there by clicking a button encapsulates how false the narrative is; if the reason you remembered my birthday is that Facebook told you then we don't have a relationship where you should be sending me a birthday message.
It's only as genuine or fake as you make it be. I'm sure you don't keep in touch with 100% of the people who made positive contributions to your life. You can take this as a less-awkward opportunity to wish them well, and maybe get back in touch if you feel like it, instead of living life as if their existence doesn't matter to you. Or you could not... you could do something else, or you could do nothing if you don't want to do anything with people you don't regularly keep in touch with. It's up to you how real it is and what it means; that you can only think of false narratives for it doesn't mean it is or needs to be that way.
Of the relationships where you should be sending people a birthday message, do you have all of their birthdays memorized, or do you use a calendar? I dont really see the difference between using facebook or a gmail calendar for reminders such as these.
I'll agree that the simple "Happy Birthday" messages people post on facebook are trite, but rather frequently I'm reminded that it's someone's birthday via facebook and then text or call the person.
Of the relationships where you should be sending people a birthday message, do you have all of their birthdays memorized, or do you use a calendar?
I'm not the OP, but yes, I have a calendar with people's birthdays in it. Every computer since the 1980's comes with a calendar program, and now they sync to your mobile phone, so there's no need to pass responsibility for that sort of thing to Facebook.
I also send (gasp) paper birthday and Christmas cards to the people who mean a lot to me. And from what they tell me, getting a real card in the mail means a million times more to them, since they know I took time out of my life to think of them and didn't just click a button and move on.
But you bought a pre-produced, mass-printed card that someone else designed. Not very personal. How is that much different from a clicky-greeting on Facebook, other than cost?
The difference between Facebook and a calendar is that adding someone's birthday to my calendar requires effort. I need to find out when their birthday is, and I need to set up a reminder. It's a small but important difference.
I mean, just because nobody explicitly inquires about something doesn't mean it's irrelevant. If you got a gift from an old friend (or even a happy birthday message) and then somehow found out it was only because someone else had pressured them into doing that, would it mean the same thing to you as if it had been their own independent decision? Most people wouldn't...
Facebook is what you make it. Why are you friends with people you don't care for? 99% of the complaints I hear are because people don't like what others post or do on there, but yet they're still connected as "friends".
Having 100s of relationships isn't real, nobody can actually maintain that many. Trim it down to people you care about and suddenly everything gets better.
I still use Facebook a few times a week because it does still have some utility to me, but I stopped wishing anyone happy birthday on there as soon as the feature was realized by the masses. What's one more wish among the hundreds who robotically do so at the press of a button. I don't mean to disparage them, though. Just that it's crossed the bridge of _too_ impersonal to be effective.
The reminder can still be useful though. Once in a while I'll see a reminder for a birthday of someone I would genuinely like to reach out to, and I'll call or text or email them. I still have calendar reminders for birthdays from before all of this when I was meticulously curating my own contact list with birthdays, but Facebook's birthday list is more complete than my old calendar, especially for my younger friends / relatives.
if the reason you remembered my birthday is that Facebook told you then we don't have a relationship where you should be sending me a birthday message.
People used to keep this information in their personal planners. How is this different?
I think the distinction between the two platforms is that Facebook's approach assumes some level of personal connection between accounts, and users have bought into that expectation.
LinkedIn is the online version of a collection of business cards. Sending a birthday card is a typical business development practice that is difficult, in my opinion, to take seriously or take much offense from.
Shortly before I deactivated my Facebook account, I changed my birthday to 6 months from the reality. Lots of well-wishes on the wrong date. I knew it was time to leave.
Comments
Birthday reminders are one of the reasons I've practically abandoned Facebook.
Seeing people wish you happy birthday on there by clicking a button encapsulates how false the narrative is; if the reason you remembered my birthday is that Facebook told you then we don't have a relationship where you should be sending me a birthday message.
The only thing more annoying is that now LinkedIn does it too. That's just weird.
It's only as genuine or fake as you make it be. I'm sure you don't keep in touch with 100% of the people who made positive contributions to your life. You can take this as a less-awkward opportunity to wish them well, and maybe get back in touch if you feel like it, instead of living life as if their existence doesn't matter to you. Or you could not... you could do something else, or you could do nothing if you don't want to do anything with people you don't regularly keep in touch with. It's up to you how real it is and what it means; that you can only think of false narratives for it doesn't mean it is or needs to be that way.
Of the relationships where you should be sending people a birthday message, do you have all of their birthdays memorized, or do you use a calendar? I dont really see the difference between using facebook or a gmail calendar for reminders such as these.
I'll agree that the simple "Happy Birthday" messages people post on facebook are trite, but rather frequently I'm reminded that it's someone's birthday via facebook and then text or call the person.
Of the relationships where you should be sending people a birthday message, do you have all of their birthdays memorized, or do you use a calendar?
I'm not the OP, but yes, I have a calendar with people's birthdays in it. Every computer since the 1980's comes with a calendar program, and now they sync to your mobile phone, so there's no need to pass responsibility for that sort of thing to Facebook.
I also send (gasp) paper birthday and Christmas cards to the people who mean a lot to me. And from what they tell me, getting a real card in the mail means a million times more to them, since they know I took time out of my life to think of them and didn't just click a button and move on.
Me too, it's called Facebook.
Same but for those people who haven't shared their addresses , a Facebook post and/or message suffices.
But you bought a pre-produced, mass-printed card that someone else designed. Not very personal. How is that much different from a clicky-greeting on Facebook, other than cost?
Effort.
The difference between Facebook and a calendar is that adding someone's birthday to my calendar requires effort. I need to find out when their birthday is, and I need to set up a reminder. It's a small but important difference.
Not sure why you were downvoted, this is a pretty crucial difference.
Never in my life of wishing people happy birthday have they inquired as to my birthday record keeping methodology.
Nor have I ever asked anyone that sent me a happy birthday text or call how they knew.
What matters is what you do once it's someone's birthday, not how you found out or keep track.
I mean, just because nobody explicitly inquires about something doesn't mean it's irrelevant. If you got a gift from an old friend (or even a happy birthday message) and then somehow found out it was only because someone else had pressured them into doing that, would it mean the same thing to you as if it had been their own independent decision? Most people wouldn't...
Facebook doesn't pressure me into saying happy birthday any more than your gcal or other alternate means of birthday tracking does.
To me this is markedly different than your scenario where Bob nags Alice until she relents and wishes me happy birthday.
Your gcal says "Wish your friends a happy birthday!" above a box it pops up for you to do so?
I dont really see the difference between using facebook or a gmail calendar for reminders such as these.
The difference is that you consciously choose whose birthdays you enter into your calendar. Facebook just assumes anyone you know is close enough.
I surely do. It's not a problem to memorize a few numbers related to the people significant to me enough to send them a birthday message.
The Dunbar numbers go around 3-5, 9-15, 30-45 [0], so even "the 2nd tier" relationships' birthdays are not really that hard to remember
[0] https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/abs/10.1098/rspb.2004...
Facebook is what you make it. Why are you friends with people you don't care for? 99% of the complaints I hear are because people don't like what others post or do on there, but yet they're still connected as "friends".
Having 100s of relationships isn't real, nobody can actually maintain that many. Trim it down to people you care about and suddenly everything gets better.
I turned the birthday notifications off a while ago. I also removed my birthday so that no one receives them from me.
I still use Facebook a few times a week because it does still have some utility to me, but I stopped wishing anyone happy birthday on there as soon as the feature was realized by the masses. What's one more wish among the hundreds who robotically do so at the press of a button. I don't mean to disparage them, though. Just that it's crossed the bridge of _too_ impersonal to be effective.
The reminder can still be useful though. Once in a while I'll see a reminder for a birthday of someone I would genuinely like to reach out to, and I'll call or text or email them. I still have calendar reminders for birthdays from before all of this when I was meticulously curating my own contact list with birthdays, but Facebook's birthday list is more complete than my old calendar, especially for my younger friends / relatives.
People used to keep this information in their personal planners. How is this different?
"It's the thought that counts"
Caring enough about that person to write it in a personal planner, and then doing something when you see that reminder is 'the thought that counts'.
I think the distinction between the two platforms is that Facebook's approach assumes some level of personal connection between accounts, and users have bought into that expectation.
LinkedIn is the online version of a collection of business cards. Sending a birthday card is a typical business development practice that is difficult, in my opinion, to take seriously or take much offense from.
Shortly before I deactivated my Facebook account, I changed my birthday to 6 months from the reality. Lots of well-wishes on the wrong date. I knew it was time to leave.
There are other reasons I do not use facebook much, but you can turn this off. IIRC this is just a matter of not sharing your birthday with anyone.
I never send birthday wishes by Facebook for exactly that reason. I still feel like Scrooge for not doing so, though.