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Of the relationships where you should be sending people a birthday message, do you have all of their birthdays memorized, or do you use a calendar?

I'm not the OP, but yes, I have a calendar with people's birthdays in it. Every computer since the 1980's comes with a calendar program, and now they sync to your mobile phone, so there's no need to pass responsibility for that sort of thing to Facebook.

I also send (gasp) paper birthday and Christmas cards to the people who mean a lot to me. And from what they tell me, getting a real card in the mail means a million times more to them, since they know I took time out of my life to think of them and didn't just click a button and move on.

but yes, I have a calendar with people's birthdays in it.

Me too, it's called Facebook.

I also send (gasp) paper birthday and Christmas cards to the people who mean a lot to me.

Same but for those people who haven't shared their addresses , a Facebook post and/or message suffices.

But you bought a pre-produced, mass-printed card that someone else designed. Not very personal. How is that much different from a clicky-greeting on Facebook, other than cost?

Effort.

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