One of the biggest mistakes I made in my life was assuming that soft skills have no play book.
Then at work, senior people and invited speakers decided to have occasional lectures once in a while and explained their soft skills.
Yes, while advice is not as "algorithmic" as it is in mathematics, there is good advice - some of it well tested. Around the same time, I started reading psychology books by academics (Influence by Cialdini is a great one), as well as negotiation books. Suddenly, all the pieces fell together. I could often tie in the research to how people network.
Getting back to the point:
Everyone seems to recommend Keith Ferrazzi's book "Never Eat Alone". I myself have not read it, and the Amazon reviews are actually quite poor. Yet, everyone I know who is someone and has lectured about soft skills recommends it. The last time someone did, I asked if the complaints in the Amazon reviews were accurate. The answer was "Yes, but I still recommend it."
There are other hacks. Every week or other week connect with someone professionally and ask for their time: A half our for coffee, etc. Maintain a list of people to potentially connect with.
There is etiquette involved, especially if the person is very senior. Always be mindful of their time, don't be late, and don't complain if the other party cancels on short notice.
Then there's the issue of what to discuss when you meet someone. Learn about it. Read up on it. The most common advice I remember is: Butter them up and get them to talk about themselves.
Sorry I can't be more specific. I have not yet put this much into practice, so I don't want to come off as an expert. Just thought I'd repeat some of what senior people have told me.
One thing that worked for me was volunteering. I didn't volunteer to meet people, I only volunteered because I had time and wanted to do something useful. I met very interesting people this way, which was a surprise (to me) side effect. Another awesome thing is the type of people you get to meet - they are friendlier, more sincere and nicer than the ones you meet at normal networking (meetup.com, bars etc) events.
I'm a fan of the book "Win the Crowd: Unlock the Secrets of Influence, Charisma, and Showmanship" - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060742054
Written by Steve Cohen, a magician, on the subject of charisma and effective speaking to groups of people.
I personally believe that networking, at its core, is an exercise in effective speaking. The goal of it being to convince the other party you're interesting enough to warrant further conversations.
I'd say the main areas of personal development to increase networking ability would be:
- Effective speaking
- Charisma
- Interpersonal communication
- Strong personal interests
This is all my opinion but I think with those four elements anyone can succeed at networking with enough effort.
It's especially important to understand that a networking situation is a professional environment. I've networked with others before at events who immediately jump to some of the most inappropriate subjects and it just blows my mind. I think the prevalence of alcohol at these events leads people to that but it's just so unprofessional. I think if there's alcohol at a networking event people should just carry the same glass around all night. If you want people to listen to you being coherent and aware of social cues is key.
The last item is really just about having something to talk about. I was part of a coed business fraternity back in college and whenever we did pledge drives people would come to network with us to show their interest in joining. I remember how the ones who had the least to say seemed like they weren't doing anything outside of their subject of interest. Interests allow people to relate to others and gives them the ability to have something to say when communication has died down.
Again, just my personal opinion, and others may disagree which is fine. I grew up with social anxiety disorder which was so bad that I couldn't look at others in the eyes until late in high school without having anxiety attacks. I worked my way out of it by forcing myself into situations that made me uncomfortable and by looking into books like the one above to get ideas about how to communicate. The most important thing to do to become better at networking is to just go out and network -- nothing beats real experience.
Comments
Problem with networking is it's largely a soft skill, so there's no playbook. There's no 'API' or associated documentation.
One of the biggest mistakes I made in my life was assuming that soft skills have no play book.
Then at work, senior people and invited speakers decided to have occasional lectures once in a while and explained their soft skills.
Yes, while advice is not as "algorithmic" as it is in mathematics, there is good advice - some of it well tested. Around the same time, I started reading psychology books by academics (Influence by Cialdini is a great one), as well as negotiation books. Suddenly, all the pieces fell together. I could often tie in the research to how people network.
Getting back to the point:
Everyone seems to recommend Keith Ferrazzi's book "Never Eat Alone". I myself have not read it, and the Amazon reviews are actually quite poor. Yet, everyone I know who is someone and has lectured about soft skills recommends it. The last time someone did, I asked if the complaints in the Amazon reviews were accurate. The answer was "Yes, but I still recommend it."
There are other hacks. Every week or other week connect with someone professionally and ask for their time: A half our for coffee, etc. Maintain a list of people to potentially connect with.
There is etiquette involved, especially if the person is very senior. Always be mindful of their time, don't be late, and don't complain if the other party cancels on short notice.
Then there's the issue of what to discuss when you meet someone. Learn about it. Read up on it. The most common advice I remember is: Butter them up and get them to talk about themselves.
Sorry I can't be more specific. I have not yet put this much into practice, so I don't want to come off as an expert. Just thought I'd repeat some of what senior people have told me.
One thing that worked for me was volunteering. I didn't volunteer to meet people, I only volunteered because I had time and wanted to do something useful. I met very interesting people this way, which was a surprise (to me) side effect. Another awesome thing is the type of people you get to meet - they are friendlier, more sincere and nicer than the ones you meet at normal networking (meetup.com, bars etc) events.
Cool, I used to volunteer in high school, but I used local clubs there to find those opportunities to help. Where do you go?
Surely there's a simple way to improve: go to events and talk to people.
I'm a fan of the book "Win the Crowd: Unlock the Secrets of Influence, Charisma, and Showmanship" - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060742054 Written by Steve Cohen, a magician, on the subject of charisma and effective speaking to groups of people.
I personally believe that networking, at its core, is an exercise in effective speaking. The goal of it being to convince the other party you're interesting enough to warrant further conversations.
I'd say the main areas of personal development to increase networking ability would be:
- Effective speaking
- Charisma
- Interpersonal communication
- Strong personal interests
This is all my opinion but I think with those four elements anyone can succeed at networking with enough effort.
I liked the definition here of the third item: http://www.pstcc.edu/facstaff/dking/interpr.htm
It's especially important to understand that a networking situation is a professional environment. I've networked with others before at events who immediately jump to some of the most inappropriate subjects and it just blows my mind. I think the prevalence of alcohol at these events leads people to that but it's just so unprofessional. I think if there's alcohol at a networking event people should just carry the same glass around all night. If you want people to listen to you being coherent and aware of social cues is key.
The last item is really just about having something to talk about. I was part of a coed business fraternity back in college and whenever we did pledge drives people would come to network with us to show their interest in joining. I remember how the ones who had the least to say seemed like they weren't doing anything outside of their subject of interest. Interests allow people to relate to others and gives them the ability to have something to say when communication has died down.
Again, just my personal opinion, and others may disagree which is fine. I grew up with social anxiety disorder which was so bad that I couldn't look at others in the eyes until late in high school without having anxiety attacks. I worked my way out of it by forcing myself into situations that made me uncomfortable and by looking into books like the one above to get ideas about how to communicate. The most important thing to do to become better at networking is to just go out and network -- nothing beats real experience.