I don't think they're turned on by room-temperature IQ construction workers (not saying they all are) for their occupation either. Maybe the problem here is that you're talking about your occupation. If you meet a secretary or a doctor in a bar, do you want to hear her rattle on about her daily routine?
This could be related to the problems very intelligent people have getting laid. Their interests are less accessible and more focused, and so their conversations are more boring to people who don't share those interests. Whereas everybody but the stupidest people can easily follow along in a reality TV discussion.
Uninteresting hobbies and professions are not what's truly at fault here. As the article suggests, people with higher IQs probably spend much more time realizing their ambition than they do trying to have sex. And it doesn't really matter how smart you are -- if you aren't a practiced socializer, you're going to have trouble competing with people who are.
Also, it seems that intelligent people place quite a high value on, well, intelligence. I doubt most people working on startups, research, ground-breaking products, etc want a mate who doesn't understand or care for any of it.
A doctor can casually drop something into the conversation about all of the lives he's saved or kids he's helped and instantly score points. That new webserver is slightly less enthralling to the uninitiated. It's easier to turn some kinds of work into an interesting story than others.
I think that's a case of "the grass is greener on the other side"
You can just as easily come up with fun stories, things you've done, etc. as a programmer as a doctor.
- Next time you're on facebook try pressing up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, enter and see what happens. No I won't tell you but it's fun. If you can't remember it here's my number so you can text me and ask
- Yeah today I've had more than half a million people come through computers I run. Without me they would be in serious trouble. Pretty wild huh?
- I've helped so many kids with computers you wouldn't believe it.
Like in tennis, the point is not to try to hit a winner when the question gets asked but to stay in the game. Volley it back by focusing on something you'd like to know about her.
For example:
Her: "What do you do for a living?"
You: "I write software that thousands of people use every day to get their own jobs done. And my real passion is cooking. I love French cooking from scratch.(pause)What do you enjoy doing?"
OR
Her: "What do you do for a living?"
You: "I write software. Office politics aside, I like the creative aspect of building something up, from a blank screen in my editor to something that people actually use on the Internet.(pause). What do you do to exercise your creativity?"
Or, more to the point: "I program computers to do my bidding. Great fun to do, boring to talk about." Then unapologetically move on to something more there-and-then-worthy, using any cues to --as parent suggests-- give her a chance to talk about herself and (esp.) her interests.
Exactly. That is a very difficult question. And the key is to answer it in a way that pertains to the interviewer's goals (which for a girl meeting a guy might be: does he have a life, will my friends like him, is he interesting).
As Jerry Seinfeld says, a date is a job interview.
Few people are turned on by low intelligence. What the construction worker has on the programmer is masculinity; it's perceived as a more "manly" line of work.
However, both men and women tend to be more androgynous as intelligence increases, which is a problem for both genders, but especially for men, when it comes to attracting mates.
I am skeptical that women are really into construction workers as a whole. If they get any benefit from construction, my guess is that they are more fit on the whole. Women I've met in urban areas don't give a shit about the "manliness" of your work; in fact, I don't even think it's a great disadvantage to be unemployed if you have a good reason to be.
Hm, didn't want to derail this into being really focused on construction workers. Replace that in the previous paragraph with any non-intellectually focused occupation.
She strikes me as more androgynous than most of the female software engineers I know, and certainly more androgynous than the average female. Pictures don't tell the whole story. :-)
She has a leadership role in a technology company. Society views leadership and technological prowess as masculine traits. So that's androgyny.
An androgynous person is one who has a mixture of masculine and feminine traits, and there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I'd generally argue that it's a good thing, because gender roles/stereotypes are limiting and generally bogus. Most people who are worth a damn are fairly androgynous, because there are plenty of worthwhile traits on both sides of the stereotypical gender divide.
Comments
I don't think they're turned on by room-temperature IQ construction workers (not saying they all are) for their occupation either. Maybe the problem here is that you're talking about your occupation. If you meet a secretary or a doctor in a bar, do you want to hear her rattle on about her daily routine?
This could be related to the problems very intelligent people have getting laid. Their interests are less accessible and more focused, and so their conversations are more boring to people who don't share those interests. Whereas everybody but the stupidest people can easily follow along in a reality TV discussion.
Uninteresting hobbies and professions are not what's truly at fault here. As the article suggests, people with higher IQs probably spend much more time realizing their ambition than they do trying to have sex. And it doesn't really matter how smart you are -- if you aren't a practiced socializer, you're going to have trouble competing with people who are.
Also, it seems that intelligent people place quite a high value on, well, intelligence. I doubt most people working on startups, research, ground-breaking products, etc want a mate who doesn't understand or care for any of it.
A doctor can casually drop something into the conversation about all of the lives he's saved or kids he's helped and instantly score points. That new webserver is slightly less enthralling to the uninitiated. It's easier to turn some kinds of work into an interesting story than others.
I think that's a case of "the grass is greener on the other side"
You can just as easily come up with fun stories, things you've done, etc. as a programmer as a doctor.
- Next time you're on facebook try pressing up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, enter and see what happens. No I won't tell you but it's fun. If you can't remember it here's my number so you can text me and ask
- Yeah today I've had more than half a million people come through computers I run. Without me they would be in serious trouble. Pretty wild huh?
- I've helped so many kids with computers you wouldn't believe it.
A little thick maybe, but you get the point :-)
I've never had any success with that approach, unfortunately. :(
Like in tennis, the point is not to try to hit a winner when the question gets asked but to stay in the game. Volley it back by focusing on something you'd like to know about her.
For example:
Her: "What do you do for a living?"
You: "I write software that thousands of people use every day to get their own jobs done. And my real passion is cooking. I love French cooking from scratch.(pause)What do you enjoy doing?"
OR
Her: "What do you do for a living?"
You: "I write software. Office politics aside, I like the creative aspect of building something up, from a blank screen in my editor to something that people actually use on the Internet.(pause). What do you do to exercise your creativity?"
Seriously? That's the best you guys can do?
Just treat dating as anything else you'd like to improve upon. Do your research, understand the end goal, and follow people who are better than you.
When she asks what you do for a living you can respond:
"I'm actually a porn star stunt double, but on the weekends I'll do a little programming here and there"
And then smile. It's all in the delivery, Cocky and funny gets the job done.
Or, more to the point: "I program computers to do my bidding. Great fun to do, boring to talk about." Then unapologetically move on to something more there-and-then-worthy, using any cues to --as parent suggests-- give her a chance to talk about herself and (esp.) her interests.
This sounds like a med school interview, in all honesty.
"So tell me about yourself"
Exactly. That is a very difficult question. And the key is to answer it in a way that pertains to the interviewer's goals (which for a girl meeting a guy might be: does he have a life, will my friends like him, is he interesting).
As Jerry Seinfeld says, a date is a job interview.
Few people are turned on by low intelligence. What the construction worker has on the programmer is masculinity; it's perceived as a more "manly" line of work.
However, both men and women tend to be more androgynous as intelligence increases, which is a problem for both genders, but especially for men, when it comes to attracting mates.
I am skeptical that women are really into construction workers as a whole. If they get any benefit from construction, my guess is that they are more fit on the whole. Women I've met in urban areas don't give a shit about the "manliness" of your work; in fact, I don't even think it's a great disadvantage to be unemployed if you have a good reason to be.
Hm, didn't want to derail this into being really focused on construction workers. Replace that in the previous paragraph with any non-intellectually focused occupation.
> both men and women tend to be more androgynous as intelligence increases
Do they? I can't say I've ever noticed.
Marissa Meyer doesn't strike me as particularly androgynous
http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=marissa%20mayer&...
:-)
I know you're joking, but this meme of "disproving" statistical statements with individual counterexamples really steams my clams.
Well, even though it was intended as a joke I can only agree.
She strikes me as more androgynous than most of the female software engineers I know, and certainly more androgynous than the average female. Pictures don't tell the whole story. :-)
She has a leadership role in a technology company. Society views leadership and technological prowess as masculine traits. So that's androgyny.
An androgynous person is one who has a mixture of masculine and feminine traits, and there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I'd generally argue that it's a good thing, because gender roles/stereotypes are limiting and generally bogus. Most people who are worth a damn are fairly androgynous, because there are plenty of worthwhile traits on both sides of the stereotypical gender divide.