Seriously? That's the best you guys can do?

Just treat dating as anything else you'd like to improve upon. Do your research, understand the end goal, and follow people who are better than you.

When she asks what you do for a living you can respond:

"I'm actually a porn star stunt double, but on the weekends I'll do a little programming here and there"

And then smile. It's all in the delivery, Cocky and funny gets the job done.