I have to be driving less than 7000mi/year for Uber to make financial sense over my Model S P85+.

Let me repeat that: from purely economical perspective, if driving more than 7000 miles/year, Tesla Model S P85+ is cheaper than Uber.

Here are the numbers. Basic assumptions:

    gas : $4/gal (don't know if it's even a valid number anymore)
    power: $.1/kWh

Tesla Model S P85+:

    depreciation: $1/mile + $300/month (the $300 per months is a sandbagging factor, in reality it doesn't exist)
    power: $.033/mile
    maint: $600/year covers everything
    tires: $1600 (P85+ goes through the full set once a year, depending on how you drive)
    registration: $60/year
    insurance: $600/year
    parking: $300/year (suburbia, I hear you say. yeah, that's right)
    ---------
    7000 miles => $13993

Uber:

    7000 miles => $14000

For comparison: My old BMW M Roadster (yr. 2000, ~100K miles on the clock):

    depreciation: $1500/year
    gas: $1470 for the 7K miles
    maint: ~$2000/year (it's old)
    tires: $1000/year (chews through one set of good, soft tires. I like fast corners)
    tabs: $100/year
    insurance: $600/year
    parking: $300/year
    ---------
    7000 miles => ~$7000