There doesn't seem to be any realization on the part of the programmer that a particular language is just a tool, usually designed for a specific application. The programmer is attempting to fit a square peg into a round hole, and they're cursing at the square peg because it doesn't fit.

Ummmm, wrong! The author isn't saying "PHP sucks because it doesn't have closures like my favorite language, so it's dead to me!". The author is saying "PHP claims to support closures, but when you actually attempt to use them for anything useful, they're broken."

So what he's actually cursing is that he has a round hole, and something that looks like a round peg, except it's really not.