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It may be wrong, but is it, perhaps, a harmless and useful way to understand Haskell?

(I have a friend who always tries to show me examples of neat stuff he's done in Haskell and I can never wrap my brain about it)

It's not useful at all, it makes Haskell sound bizarre. Haskell is much more of an ordinary programming language than this would suggest: like ordinary languages it has functions but also numbers, strings, list, arrays, etc.

When discussing technical matters, anything that isn't technically correct should be accompanied by a disclaimer.

I usually like to say "just about", "informally" or "while there are some exceptions, it can be helpful to think about it as if..."

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