Hardly anyone refrains from lying altogether, and some people report lying up to twelve times within that time span. I might open a conversation, for instance, by saying how nice it is to meet someone—when I’m really not at all happy about it. I might go on to say that I grew up in Boston—a lie, technically, since I really grew up in a small town about forty minutes outside the city. I could say that the person’s work sounds fascinating, when it’s no such thing, or compliment him on his (drab) tie or his (awful) shirt. And if the person mentions loving a certain downtown restaurant where I’ve had a terrible experience? I’m likely to just smile and nod and say, Yes, great place. Trust me: we often lie without giving it so much as a second thought.
Is this an American trait? I think it's the opposite in Eastern Europe. People would stop you to tell you they've had a bad experience at the restaurant, usually don't compliment and interrupt you immediately to tell you what they think about your line of work.
That's not lying. There's no intent to deceive - nobody is fooled. We know conventionally that he lives 'somewhere around Boston'; that he's offering an opening conversational gambit and not conveying emotional information; that we're confirming his right to enjoy something and not communicating a restaurant review.
If we must call it lying, then we need a new word for when someone tells an intentional untruth with the intent to deceive.
I would argue that lying is not deceiving. At least not all the time. Lying also has the meaning of intentionally telling a falsehood.
And there is some deception involved, even if unintentional. Describing a restaurant you didn't like as what a great place simply reinforces the speaker's (monologuer's) impression, even though his interlocutor obviously believes it to be false. In the second part of the paragraph I quoted, the second person is basically just holding a mirror for the speaker in which he (the speaker) can admire and enlarge his own self, while the listener encourages and cheers him on.
We know conventionally that he lives 'somewhere around Boston'
When Americans ask me where I was born, I don't say the actual country that no longer exists (USSR) nor the country that it is called now (Kazakhstan). I simply say Russia. The reason is that it's simpler for Americans to understand Russia.
What makes you think we understand Russia better than we understand Kazakhstan?
Maybe you wish to have imparted your culture or something, however I don't expect most people have any reasonable idea what the culture is like in neither Russia nor Kazakhstan.
Are you just hoping they know where it is on the map?
I should have expounded: I am ethnically Russian, as both of my parents' families moved from Russia to Kazakhstan when it was all USSR. So if I were to say I was born in Kazakhstan, most Americans would have no idea where it is. Those that know something about Kazakhstan would ask why I don't look Kazakh. Thus I just answer with Russia.
The word you're after for harmless lies is 'fibbing', closely related to 'fibble-fable' which presumably means a fable that isn't entirely true. Not to be confused with 'fiddle-faddle' which means to lark about without telling porkies.
... we lie, on average, three times during a routine ten-minute conversation with a stranger or casual acquaintance. Hardly anyone refrains from lying altogether, and some people report lying up to twelve times within that time span.
It sounds like there's a large variance; maybe the author is on the "twelve times" side of the distribution. Or maybe I'm naive. I can't imagine telling someone I like a restaurant just because he does, or giving a false compliment without a concrete reason.
Or maybe I'm a freak in my own culture. I don't lie like this article describes.
I've always associated low self-esteem with the need to rampantly lie. The inability to properly deal with reality, so the person prefers to fake it and avoid any potential mental or emotional confrontations. That's just an opinion of course.
I know an awful lot of people that will 'tell it how it is' rather than pretending to eg like a restaurant when they really don't. In fact, there is a historical stereotype about Americans that we're direct / blunt. The reality is, America has possessed a relatively large population + diverse culture for a long time, and accordingly it makes little sense to broadly stereotype the people that live here.
It's people trying to be polite. If someone has a great time at a restaurant, do I really want to stop and tell them about my poor experience there? If we're openly discussing restaurants, then yes, I'll offer my story, but if someone is talking about their date last night, or lunch they took their coworkers too, etc, I don't want to insult their choice in restaurants, especially in front of others.
It's going to be different in Eastern Europe because there's more tradition. Compare it to older generations in America. I know my grandparents would never sugar coat a story, and if I said I had a great time at a restaurant, they would have no trouble interrupting to talk about that time they got food poisoning there, or saw a mouse on the floor.
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Hardly anyone refrains from lying altogether, and some people report lying up to twelve times within that time span. I might open a conversation, for instance, by saying how nice it is to meet someone—when I’m really not at all happy about it. I might go on to say that I grew up in Boston—a lie, technically, since I really grew up in a small town about forty minutes outside the city. I could say that the person’s work sounds fascinating, when it’s no such thing, or compliment him on his (drab) tie or his (awful) shirt. And if the person mentions loving a certain downtown restaurant where I’ve had a terrible experience? I’m likely to just smile and nod and say, Yes, great place. Trust me: we often lie without giving it so much as a second thought.
Is this an American trait? I think it's the opposite in Eastern Europe. People would stop you to tell you they've had a bad experience at the restaurant, usually don't compliment and interrupt you immediately to tell you what they think about your line of work.
That's not lying. There's no intent to deceive - nobody is fooled. We know conventionally that he lives 'somewhere around Boston'; that he's offering an opening conversational gambit and not conveying emotional information; that we're confirming his right to enjoy something and not communicating a restaurant review.
If we must call it lying, then we need a new word for when someone tells an intentional untruth with the intent to deceive.
I would argue that lying is not deceiving. At least not all the time. Lying also has the meaning of intentionally telling a falsehood.
And there is some deception involved, even if unintentional. Describing a restaurant you didn't like as what a great place simply reinforces the speaker's (monologuer's) impression, even though his interlocutor obviously believes it to be false. In the second part of the paragraph I quoted, the second person is basically just holding a mirror for the speaker in which he (the speaker) can admire and enlarge his own self, while the listener encourages and cheers him on.
They are both fooled.
We know conventionally that he lives 'somewhere around Boston'
When Americans ask me where I was born, I don't say the actual country that no longer exists (USSR) nor the country that it is called now (Kazakhstan). I simply say Russia. The reason is that it's simpler for Americans to understand Russia.
What makes you think we understand Russia better than we understand Kazakhstan?
Maybe you wish to have imparted your culture or something, however I don't expect most people have any reasonable idea what the culture is like in neither Russia nor Kazakhstan.
Are you just hoping they know where it is on the map?
I should have expounded: I am ethnically Russian, as both of my parents' families moved from Russia to Kazakhstan when it was all USSR. So if I were to say I was born in Kazakhstan, most Americans would have no idea where it is. Those that know something about Kazakhstan would ask why I don't look Kazakh. Thus I just answer with Russia.
I think he means it's easier to understand in the same way we would tell a Russian that we're American, rather than from Ohio.
The word you're after for harmless lies is 'fibbing', closely related to 'fibble-fable' which presumably means a fable that isn't entirely true. Not to be confused with 'fiddle-faddle' which means to lark about without telling porkies.
From the article:
It sounds like there's a large variance; maybe the author is on the "twelve times" side of the distribution. Or maybe I'm naive. I can't imagine telling someone I like a restaurant just because he does, or giving a false compliment without a concrete reason.
(I'm American.)
I don't think this is an American trait.
Or maybe I'm a freak in my own culture. I don't lie like this article describes.
I've always associated low self-esteem with the need to rampantly lie. The inability to properly deal with reality, so the person prefers to fake it and avoid any potential mental or emotional confrontations. That's just an opinion of course.
I know an awful lot of people that will 'tell it how it is' rather than pretending to eg like a restaurant when they really don't. In fact, there is a historical stereotype about Americans that we're direct / blunt. The reality is, America has possessed a relatively large population + diverse culture for a long time, and accordingly it makes little sense to broadly stereotype the people that live here.
It's people trying to be polite. If someone has a great time at a restaurant, do I really want to stop and tell them about my poor experience there? If we're openly discussing restaurants, then yes, I'll offer my story, but if someone is talking about their date last night, or lunch they took their coworkers too, etc, I don't want to insult their choice in restaurants, especially in front of others.
It's going to be different in Eastern Europe because there's more tradition. Compare it to older generations in America. I know my grandparents would never sugar coat a story, and if I said I had a great time at a restaurant, they would have no trouble interrupting to talk about that time they got food poisoning there, or saw a mouse on the floor.