My parents fit this category. I am an American born Chinese, my parents came here to do their PhDs & postdoc, but attended college in China.
They are also very "conservative". My mom pushed my sister to attend MIT over Princeton so that she would take the engineering route instead of something like liberal arts (even though she's fond of writing). I was pushed in that same direction as well... you could say we are a family of engineers (except for my mom who is a professor). After my sister graduated with a degree in material science, she now wants to become a writer or do something as far away from science as possible... much to the chagrin of my mom. (her marks in material science were all stellar so the decision was not academic) She's still doing her PhD at MIT but has been actively applying for non-science jobs for the past 12 months or so. She's totally an extrovert, I just couldn't see her becoming a professor anyway.
The first time I had to deal with "breaking out" of the mold was when I told my parents I was leaving Atlanta to live in the Bay Area without first landing a job. They were pretty mad and the argument left with my mom in tears. Even though I was pretty frugal and saved enough from my first job to live 8-12 months without a job, they still wanted assurance of stability.
I succumbed to their plea and did a little job hunting. I picked the employer that would pay for my entire move just to please my parents. I quit the job 4 months later. (they even let me keep my big signing bonus) When my parents found out I quit, they flew out to San Francisco just to yell at me, the argument ended in tears yet again (I think my mom is a little too emotional). But I was steadfast, I knew I was capable and I could always pick up random contracting jobs if necessary.
This is almost my 3rd year out in the Bay Area and I've contracted directly with so many startup founders that if my startup ever fails, they would hire me on the spot. The opportunities in the Valley are really amazing -- especially if you know your stuff and can demonstrate it to other startup founders. I did some pro-bono work for one of the Linkedin cofounders and later on he practically begged me to help him out on one of his projects.
My mom has learned to deal with my unstable cash flow and there are no more arguments (thank god!). So for a typical Asian raised from a very conservative family culture, it's very possible to break out of the mold as long as you stay focused on the light at the end of the tunnel :-).
This intrigues me, because your parents have worked in the US since before you were born. I have always kind of assumed that Asian parents who seem obsessed with stability don't understand the American system. They want their kids to pursue things that would ensure personal stability in their home country (such as marriage and a job), not understanding that things are different in the US. In the US, a job doesn't offer much stability; stability comes from things that get you a new job (experience, credentials, and work contacts) after your old job evaporates.
Obviously this doesn't apply to your parents, since they had long experience with the American system. Maybe their fear was moral? Were they afraid that your lack of concern at being "unemployed" meant you were becoming a lazy American? I would be curious to know what form your arguments took and how your parents were eventually reassured.
The jobs obsessive parents push their kids into are usually quite stable. Doctors, teachers, lawyers, etc. Even software is relatively stable if you're good and you're working at a Microsoft or Google.
Teaching is stable, but doctors and lawyers only have stability through their credentials. Clinics fail; firms contract; hospitals eliminate positions. I don't know about the past, but these days law firms are quick to expand to take advantage of new demand and new markets. Surely sometimes they make mistakes. Microsoft and Google seem stable now, but who can predict the future? Plenty of "stable" companies have laid people off, closed research labs, and sold unprofitable pieces to new owners that had no intention of keeping them running.
I think the only way you'll be able to convince them is to let them know that you're doing the thing you want to do anyways -- with or without their emotional support. And if they remain negative or infact interfere in any way, you'll have to stop talking to them.
The above isn't as bad as it sounds. Women can take this kind of stuff, they're pretty resilient. Your dad care too much...he'll like your balls.
Comments
My parents fit this category. I am an American born Chinese, my parents came here to do their PhDs & postdoc, but attended college in China.
They are also very "conservative". My mom pushed my sister to attend MIT over Princeton so that she would take the engineering route instead of something like liberal arts (even though she's fond of writing). I was pushed in that same direction as well... you could say we are a family of engineers (except for my mom who is a professor). After my sister graduated with a degree in material science, she now wants to become a writer or do something as far away from science as possible... much to the chagrin of my mom. (her marks in material science were all stellar so the decision was not academic) She's still doing her PhD at MIT but has been actively applying for non-science jobs for the past 12 months or so. She's totally an extrovert, I just couldn't see her becoming a professor anyway.
The first time I had to deal with "breaking out" of the mold was when I told my parents I was leaving Atlanta to live in the Bay Area without first landing a job. They were pretty mad and the argument left with my mom in tears. Even though I was pretty frugal and saved enough from my first job to live 8-12 months without a job, they still wanted assurance of stability.
I succumbed to their plea and did a little job hunting. I picked the employer that would pay for my entire move just to please my parents. I quit the job 4 months later. (they even let me keep my big signing bonus) When my parents found out I quit, they flew out to San Francisco just to yell at me, the argument ended in tears yet again (I think my mom is a little too emotional). But I was steadfast, I knew I was capable and I could always pick up random contracting jobs if necessary.
This is almost my 3rd year out in the Bay Area and I've contracted directly with so many startup founders that if my startup ever fails, they would hire me on the spot. The opportunities in the Valley are really amazing -- especially if you know your stuff and can demonstrate it to other startup founders. I did some pro-bono work for one of the Linkedin cofounders and later on he practically begged me to help him out on one of his projects.
My mom has learned to deal with my unstable cash flow and there are no more arguments (thank god!). So for a typical Asian raised from a very conservative family culture, it's very possible to break out of the mold as long as you stay focused on the light at the end of the tunnel :-).
This intrigues me, because your parents have worked in the US since before you were born. I have always kind of assumed that Asian parents who seem obsessed with stability don't understand the American system. They want their kids to pursue things that would ensure personal stability in their home country (such as marriage and a job), not understanding that things are different in the US. In the US, a job doesn't offer much stability; stability comes from things that get you a new job (experience, credentials, and work contacts) after your old job evaporates.
Obviously this doesn't apply to your parents, since they had long experience with the American system. Maybe their fear was moral? Were they afraid that your lack of concern at being "unemployed" meant you were becoming a lazy American? I would be curious to know what form your arguments took and how your parents were eventually reassured.
In the US, a job doesn't offer much stability;
The jobs obsessive parents push their kids into are usually quite stable. Doctors, teachers, lawyers, etc. Even software is relatively stable if you're good and you're working at a Microsoft or Google.
Teaching is stable, but doctors and lawyers only have stability through their credentials. Clinics fail; firms contract; hospitals eliminate positions. I don't know about the past, but these days law firms are quick to expand to take advantage of new demand and new markets. Surely sometimes they make mistakes. Microsoft and Google seem stable now, but who can predict the future? Plenty of "stable" companies have laid people off, closed research labs, and sold unprofitable pieces to new owners that had no intention of keeping them running.
I think the only way you'll be able to convince them is to let them know that you're doing the thing you want to do anyways -- with or without their emotional support. And if they remain negative or infact interfere in any way, you'll have to stop talking to them.
The above isn't as bad as it sounds. Women can take this kind of stuff, they're pretty resilient. Your dad care too much...he'll like your balls.