Coming out of a very long relationship I was shocked how things changed.
I never was a dating app kind of human, but it helped me to get out there and even find my last partner.
First I assumed it's me, I am old now. But I slowly realized it's more than that, other people are old now too and yet it feels so distanced. It feels so different. It feels dishonest and fake.
But is it really much better in reality? Aren't we getting more and more distanced either way?
But is it really much better in reality? Aren't we getting more and more distanced either way?
Yes, and yes. We are getting more distanced, but clearly the online/digital interactions are amplifying this in an extreme way. Like the idea itself that we are both talking to a bundle of plastics, metals and electronics and everything we say is mediated by this THING between us, that's as distancing as it gets. But it still is possible to just talk to people "out there" in the real world, but since it's less common and happens less often than it used to, I think we kinda lose this as a skill because we are out of practice, and its not just us but also "them". So I think the real-life interactions nowadays need some more engineering to set up the conditions for them, but at the same time people are desperate for them and craving them
It has also become more intimidating to interact IRL since so often women say online, "I don't want men to use public places and meetups as a way to meet me." Now, those women may be unrepresentative and a sign of how social media elevates extreme views, but it is nevertheless very discouraging.
It's not just old people and my heart bleeds for young people now who are fucked compared to how we had it. I am moving back to a university town that 10 years ago had a lively cafe and live-music culture where young people would readily strike up conversations with others they noticed were regulars, and sometimes relationships were sparked. People still living there tell me that no longer happens and is not socially acceptable; young people are now desperate for opportunities to make friends, and for relationships they don't see any alternative to dating apps even though everyone despises them.
Yes. Everyone says things like "go there, you'll meet people" and the reality is, yes you might meet people but on a very different level than you did 10 years ago.
I am mid 30 (so not that old) but the reality in dating does make me feel very old right now.
Comments
Coming out of a very long relationship I was shocked how things changed.
I never was a dating app kind of human, but it helped me to get out there and even find my last partner.
First I assumed it's me, I am old now. But I slowly realized it's more than that, other people are old now too and yet it feels so distanced. It feels so different. It feels dishonest and fake.
But is it really much better in reality? Aren't we getting more and more distanced either way?
Yes, and yes. We are getting more distanced, but clearly the online/digital interactions are amplifying this in an extreme way. Like the idea itself that we are both talking to a bundle of plastics, metals and electronics and everything we say is mediated by this THING between us, that's as distancing as it gets. But it still is possible to just talk to people "out there" in the real world, but since it's less common and happens less often than it used to, I think we kinda lose this as a skill because we are out of practice, and its not just us but also "them". So I think the real-life interactions nowadays need some more engineering to set up the conditions for them, but at the same time people are desperate for them and craving them
It has also become more intimidating to interact IRL since so often women say online, "I don't want men to use public places and meetups as a way to meet me." Now, those women may be unrepresentative and a sign of how social media elevates extreme views, but it is nevertheless very discouraging.
That's the weird paradox. Never have been so many people been alone, never have so many people lived alone. And yet it seems so hard to connect.
I mean sure living in Switzerland doesn't make that more easy for sure, but the general issue doesn't seem to be a local one.
It's not just old people and my heart bleeds for young people now who are fucked compared to how we had it. I am moving back to a university town that 10 years ago had a lively cafe and live-music culture where young people would readily strike up conversations with others they noticed were regulars, and sometimes relationships were sparked. People still living there tell me that no longer happens and is not socially acceptable; young people are now desperate for opportunities to make friends, and for relationships they don't see any alternative to dating apps even though everyone despises them.
Yes. Everyone says things like "go there, you'll meet people" and the reality is, yes you might meet people but on a very different level than you did 10 years ago.
I am mid 30 (so not that old) but the reality in dating does make me feel very old right now.