This reminds me of the first time I fired someone. I spent probably a week mentally planning how to do it--thought about how the conversation would go in the car, in the shower, before I went to sleep. The guy had a wife and kids and I was getting ready to put him in the unemployment line. I felt especially guilty because he shouldn't have been hired in the first place; we were desperate at the time. That was a mistake I made against my better judgment.
When it came time to actually have the conversation at one point he stopped me (I was busy trying to soften the blow) and said, "This sucks, but I get it. I understand." And I realized that I had prepared him for that point for months and that what was coming wasn't ultimately that much of a surprise.
Since then I've resolved to just be straight with feedback. For most firing situations, it's simply because it's not a good fit. Being able to look forward to a better situation in a couple months is enough to make most people accept the decision.
I will always be thankful to a former boss of mine, who took the lead on firing a developer that just wasn't up to scratch, and asked me to be present when it happened.
He kept it very, very short- the rationale being that if someone is expecting it, then they know the reasons why. If they aren't expecting it, then the shock means they're unlikely to listen to anything else you tell them anyway.
If they want feedback at a later point, great. But in that moment, it's easier on both of you to just get it done.
Reminds me of the advice I sought on my first time firing someone. "Don't make it bitch fest'. Just lay it out and that's it. At this point, only give feedback if they ask for it."
It really framed my thinking for management in general and this post is fantastic for shoring up the rest of it.
Your post reminded me of another one exactly like it (down to the last paragraph) on here about a year ago, except at the end the guy getting fired kills himself later that day, and the next day his wife calls you to let you know.
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This reminds me of the first time I fired someone. I spent probably a week mentally planning how to do it--thought about how the conversation would go in the car, in the shower, before I went to sleep. The guy had a wife and kids and I was getting ready to put him in the unemployment line. I felt especially guilty because he shouldn't have been hired in the first place; we were desperate at the time. That was a mistake I made against my better judgment.
When it came time to actually have the conversation at one point he stopped me (I was busy trying to soften the blow) and said, "This sucks, but I get it. I understand." And I realized that I had prepared him for that point for months and that what was coming wasn't ultimately that much of a surprise.
Since then I've resolved to just be straight with feedback. For most firing situations, it's simply because it's not a good fit. Being able to look forward to a better situation in a couple months is enough to make most people accept the decision.
I will always be thankful to a former boss of mine, who took the lead on firing a developer that just wasn't up to scratch, and asked me to be present when it happened.
He kept it very, very short- the rationale being that if someone is expecting it, then they know the reasons why. If they aren't expecting it, then the shock means they're unlikely to listen to anything else you tell them anyway.
If they want feedback at a later point, great. But in that moment, it's easier on both of you to just get it done.
Reminds me of the advice I sought on my first time firing someone. "Don't make it bitch fest'. Just lay it out and that's it. At this point, only give feedback if they ask for it."
It really framed my thinking for management in general and this post is fantastic for shoring up the rest of it.
Your post reminded me of another one exactly like it (down to the last paragraph) on here about a year ago, except at the end the guy getting fired kills himself later that day, and the next day his wife calls you to let you know.