I'm afraid that by saying "My priorities are God, Family, Health" that you are just punting. You fall back on that when in every measurable way your life isn't what you hoped it would be so as a coping mechanism you redefine your values to measureless standards.
You "value" your family. What does that mean? You spent one hour pushing your kid on a swing because you realized you don't have the confidence, discipline, or perseverance to do the things you really want to be doing.
You "value" your family because you hate yourself, but you don't have the confidence to admit it.
IOW, you live your life however you want to and when you feel like it you just move the goalposts to make sure you look successful. Depressed people are the ones with the integrity not to move the goalposts.
> You "value" your family. What does that mean? You spent one hour pushing your kid on a swing because you realized you don't have the confidence, discipline, or perseverance to do the things you really want to be doing.
What if what you really want to be doing is being with and enjoying your family?
I'm not talking about clinical depression. But let's say the general, "I didn't get the promotion" style of depression.
For me, you can view that problem two ways, "I'm going to work harder and prove my value to the company" or the move the goalposts approach, "I really didn't want that promotion anyway, I'll spend more time with my kids! No one will judge me as a failure if I do that."
Shifting priorities can be rational if you honestly realize your tastes and interests have changed over time, but most often it seems shifting priorties are just a manifestation of weakness - a decision to flee rather than fight.
Hang out around enough old people, and you'll realize the overwhelming majority of them would have preferred more time with their kids to that promotion.
Retrospectively. For some what they would have liked to do more of looking back and what they wanted to do at the time may be different. As we live in the present, the question really is what we would like to be doing now, not what we would liked to have done looking back.
>For me, you can view that problem two ways, "I'm going to work harder and prove my value to the company" or the move the goalposts approach, "I really didn't want that promotion anyway, I'll spend more time with my kids! No one will judge me as a failure if I do that."
The idiocy of the comment is that "not getting that promotion" is not a failure anyway.
Aren't people who say they "don't" value family just shifting the goal posts to an easy tangible goal?
Given you are the product of a family (and, given your presence on HN, you were born into privilege). Have some respect for people who want to do well at raising a family.
Depressed people have different brain chemistry than non-depressed people. It's unrelated to integrity, or goals. (Except for where the two effect brain chemistry, which is very little). Science FTW!
I love this. Its very bleak but it's true. In reading all these comments I really like how they are at very opposite ends of the spectrum and all true all at once.
Comments
I'm afraid that by saying "My priorities are God, Family, Health" that you are just punting. You fall back on that when in every measurable way your life isn't what you hoped it would be so as a coping mechanism you redefine your values to measureless standards.
You "value" your family. What does that mean? You spent one hour pushing your kid on a swing because you realized you don't have the confidence, discipline, or perseverance to do the things you really want to be doing.
You "value" your family because you hate yourself, but you don't have the confidence to admit it.
IOW, you live your life however you want to and when you feel like it you just move the goalposts to make sure you look successful. Depressed people are the ones with the integrity not to move the goalposts.
What a cynical view of the world.
I value my career and achievements but I'd swap it in a second for my immediate family.
It's nothing to do with depression, fear, or failing - it's absolutely the way it should be.
> You "value" your family. What does that mean? You spent one hour pushing your kid on a swing because you realized you don't have the confidence, discipline, or perseverance to do the things you really want to be doing.
What if what you really want to be doing is being with and enjoying your family?
I'm not sure what your trying to get at, but for the sake of argument- wouldn't it be wise to move the goalposts if it means you aren't depressed?
I'm not talking about clinical depression. But let's say the general, "I didn't get the promotion" style of depression.
For me, you can view that problem two ways, "I'm going to work harder and prove my value to the company" or the move the goalposts approach, "I really didn't want that promotion anyway, I'll spend more time with my kids! No one will judge me as a failure if I do that."
Shifting priorities can be rational if you honestly realize your tastes and interests have changed over time, but most often it seems shifting priorties are just a manifestation of weakness - a decision to flee rather than fight.
> For me, you can view that problem two ways, "I'm going to work harder and prove my value to the company"
Surely that might also be a realisation that the promotion you wanted takes more effort than you're willing to put in to it?
Hang out around enough old people, and you'll realize the overwhelming majority of them would have preferred more time with their kids to that promotion.
Retrospectively. For some what they would have liked to do more of looking back and what they wanted to do at the time may be different. As we live in the present, the question really is what we would like to be doing now, not what we would liked to have done looking back.
>For me, you can view that problem two ways, "I'm going to work harder and prove my value to the company" or the move the goalposts approach, "I really didn't want that promotion anyway, I'll spend more time with my kids! No one will judge me as a failure if I do that."
The idiocy of the comment is that "not getting that promotion" is not a failure anyway.
Aren't people who say they "don't" value family just shifting the goal posts to an easy tangible goal?
Given you are the product of a family (and, given your presence on HN, you were born into privilege). Have some respect for people who want to do well at raising a family.
Depressed people have different brain chemistry than non-depressed people. It's unrelated to integrity, or goals. (Except for where the two effect brain chemistry, which is very little). Science FTW!
I love this. Its very bleak but it's true. In reading all these comments I really like how they are at very opposite ends of the spectrum and all true all at once.