To be a little more constructive for the author, as they themselves are an editor:
* Headings would be helpful. They let the reader see what the structure of the writing is. And I see that you definitely have a structure, we'd just benefit from knowing it before we dive into reading the whole piece.
* Once you're using headings, adding a table of contents or an outline at the top of the page is trivial.
* Consider adding a hook to the first sentence. It says that you went to a Nokia 2780 and won't be going back to a smartphone, but why should a reader scroll past the picture of Paris Hilton to keep reading? Are you going to tell them how/why to do likewise, or is this a meditation on your journey, or something else?
I agree with the sentiment. A lot of words were written but not a whole lot of valuable information was laid out.
I made an effort but it was impossible to not just skim past the second picture.
Comments
The author clearly has graphomania. I am not reading that.
To be a little more constructive for the author, as they themselves are an editor:
* Headings would be helpful. They let the reader see what the structure of the writing is. And I see that you definitely have a structure, we'd just benefit from knowing it before we dive into reading the whole piece.
* Once you're using headings, adding a table of contents or an outline at the top of the page is trivial.
* Consider adding a hook to the first sentence. It says that you went to a Nokia 2780 and won't be going back to a smartphone, but why should a reader scroll past the picture of Paris Hilton to keep reading? Are you going to tell them how/why to do likewise, or is this a meditation on your journey, or something else?
I agree with the sentiment. A lot of words were written but not a whole lot of valuable information was laid out. I made an effort but it was impossible to not just skim past the second picture.