The condescension you've detected is because I doubt your main premise - that what you've described is "common" and so the defined behaviour will have a significant negative outcome. It's no surprise to me that you can offer no evidence for that premise whatsoever and instead just retreat to insisting you were correct anyway.

The resize + shrink_to_fit incantation sounds to me a lot like one of those "Sprinkle the volatile keyword until it works" ritualistic C++ practices not based in any facts.