I have a theory. I think that self-help books and articles actually make people miserable. I'm quite happy, and I manage to be happy without having a list of the 6 essential things I must do every day to stay happy.
In my personal life, the people most into self-help books and the like are the least happy. Correlation doesn't prove causation, so I can't blame the books and blogs -- but they certainly don't seem to be helpful either.
edit: I meant this as a light-hearted observation, not as a put-down to anyone who finds self-help helpful. :) I do think however that it's possible to become less happy by trying to over-optimize every moment of your life.
Have you ever helped someone figure out how to do something with their computer by just asking them questions? "What program did you use to do this last time? Good, start that program. What do you mean what do I.... [sigh] Okay, where do you go to start programs? Great. Yes, go there." They know everything but sometimes they seem incapable of putting it together. Life's like that for some people. You make a pot of coffee at 8pm, you skip a workout, you work when you should relax and relax when you should work. You avoid activities that make you happy and spend your time on things that just make you tired. You procrastinate paying a parking ticket (non-negotiable, takes five minutes) because reloading the national news seems more urgent. In some sense you know everything you need to know. You're like a befuddled computer user who seems completely helpless but who only needs a couple of simple reminders to get back on the right track.
There are many ways to characterize or explain why people who can describe a clear path to a better life have trouble following it. One way is to label it a deficit in executive function. To me it doesn't feel right to call it a deficit. I think of it as chronic interference with or co-option of the executive function by other factors. But either way, whether you think of it as weak executive function or a normal executive function overpowered by interference, the inmates are running the asylum, and your executive function is the asylum director cowering in his office mumbling, "I am in control. I told them to set the mattresses on fire; that was my idea."
The purpose of self-help writing is to put the executive function back in charge. For a lot of people, all they need is a brief reminder and a little injection of optimism, and a five-minute read like this blog post is useful for that. It's also important to grapple with the psychological factors that hijack your executive function in the first place, but if a few minutes of fluffy reading can do the trick for right now, there's no reason to say no to it.
Even beyond correlation not proving causation, it doesn't sound surprising to me that unhappy people are looking for ways to become happy, but happy people aren't. You might equally conclude that restaurants make people hungry.
I do notice that people invariably get hungry within hours of leaving a restaurant. Clearly restaurants cause hunger.
More seriously, it's not surprising that self-help doesn't produce instant results. People have widely varied and complex problems. It'll probably take a while to find the right advice, put into practice and see the desired results. Sure, there's a lot self-help gurus out there exploiting desperate people. But there's also a lot of genuinely helpful advice out there and people who benefit from it.
In the case of these unhappy people you know, perhaps the very fact that they're unhappy leads them to seek knowledge and solace in these self-help books and articles.
"I'm quite happy, and I manage to be happy without having a list of the 6 essential things I must do every day to stay happy."
I don't think the OP is doing what you imply he is doing. He is merely listing things he does that work for him.
And some of the things listed I agree with and do (sleep, exercise) but getting up early and going to bed early is not.
"the people most into self-help books"
From my personal experience I would agree with this. There is something wrong and it appears they are searching for answers. People who are already happy don't need these answers, and if not a subject which you want to find out about because of curiosity there isn't much of a reason to read those books.
Related, on things that I am really good at I tend not to want to read any books, lest what I read alters my thinking as far as what already works for me (might put doubt into my head).
I think you missed your parent's point. I don't think his comment was a knock against the OP at all or even that he implied that Joel's list was some kind of self help advice along the lines of those "6 essential things to make you happy" type books. It seems that Joel's post only reminded him of such nonsense and he commented about that and not the actual post.
I know where he's coming from too. I really liked this post and enjoy all of Joel's writing but every now and then I see enough happiness advice on the front page that I get burnout from it and am reminded of all the crappy, empty advice there is.
I think the first thing that should be done is to look at the person's physical health.
I've had down times, but the ones that have persisted have had (strong) underlying physical components.
This is pure anecdote, of course. But I've seldom heard of a psychologist or psychiatrist prescribing and discussing a thorough physical. (I am familiar with the "you should get some exercise" mantra; however, if there is a physical component including one that gets in the way of this, it seems this can all too readily turn into a guilt trip for the patient.)
Maybe it's different in other countries. I hope so.
And everything else is ways to optimize that. Sure, self-help that distracts from living could make people miserable. Good self-help OTOH is meant to be heuristics for this optimization.
Personally, I've found wake-up-early and multiple-ways-to-win to be fulfilling: and even if I know the physiological reasons behind the second one, it still remains helpful. I feel the way to win is to actually self-help: find heuristics that work for you and make them a habit.
We have a habit of looking for magic pills. Many self-help books advertise themselves as magic pills because they know that it sells. I've read my share of self-help books and articles - specifically on exercise, nutrition and startups. I can say that they have good advice.
Making changes in your life can be difficult. One can also talk at length about the mental state of someone that is only looking for magic pills and how to break out of it.
I'm not sure why the focus has to be on whether or not self-help books are helpful?
After reading what he wrote, my takeaway was that he's sharing things he's discovered about himself. What's being cited may have come from self-help books, but he's doing it to show evidence of what it is that has helped him come to each realization about himself. He is by no means marketing these self-help books, or pushing us to believe in the potential of self-help books. He's just stating what works for him, and asking people to share what works for them. Parents who love their kids can say things like, "I drop my kids off at school every morning." It's the same thing.
Take away all mentions of being "happy", replace it with "productive," and remove the citations he makes. What you're left with is something I believe a lot of people do as well regardless of it's conscious correlation to happiness.
As long as what he does helps him achieve his goals (without causing harm to himself or those around him), then all the power to him. I don't think we have any right to attack him for it.
What you do is as bad as standing next to a doctor's office and telling the people coming in, that you personally don't need to see the doctor to be healthy, so they must be doing something wrong, especially since they seem to come in more than once.
Comments
I have a theory. I think that self-help books and articles actually make people miserable. I'm quite happy, and I manage to be happy without having a list of the 6 essential things I must do every day to stay happy.
In my personal life, the people most into self-help books and the like are the least happy. Correlation doesn't prove causation, so I can't blame the books and blogs -- but they certainly don't seem to be helpful either.
edit: I meant this as a light-hearted observation, not as a put-down to anyone who finds self-help helpful. :) I do think however that it's possible to become less happy by trying to over-optimize every moment of your life.
Have you ever helped someone figure out how to do something with their computer by just asking them questions? "What program did you use to do this last time? Good, start that program. What do you mean what do I.... [sigh] Okay, where do you go to start programs? Great. Yes, go there." They know everything but sometimes they seem incapable of putting it together. Life's like that for some people. You make a pot of coffee at 8pm, you skip a workout, you work when you should relax and relax when you should work. You avoid activities that make you happy and spend your time on things that just make you tired. You procrastinate paying a parking ticket (non-negotiable, takes five minutes) because reloading the national news seems more urgent. In some sense you know everything you need to know. You're like a befuddled computer user who seems completely helpless but who only needs a couple of simple reminders to get back on the right track.
There are many ways to characterize or explain why people who can describe a clear path to a better life have trouble following it. One way is to label it a deficit in executive function. To me it doesn't feel right to call it a deficit. I think of it as chronic interference with or co-option of the executive function by other factors. But either way, whether you think of it as weak executive function or a normal executive function overpowered by interference, the inmates are running the asylum, and your executive function is the asylum director cowering in his office mumbling, "I am in control. I told them to set the mattresses on fire; that was my idea."
The purpose of self-help writing is to put the executive function back in charge. For a lot of people, all they need is a brief reminder and a little injection of optimism, and a five-minute read like this blog post is useful for that. It's also important to grapple with the psychological factors that hijack your executive function in the first place, but if a few minutes of fluffy reading can do the trick for right now, there's no reason to say no to it.
There are many ways to characterize or explain why people who can describe a clear path to a better life have trouble following it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akrasia
Even beyond correlation not proving causation, it doesn't sound surprising to me that unhappy people are looking for ways to become happy, but happy people aren't. You might equally conclude that restaurants make people hungry.
"...but they certainly don't seem to be helpful either."
If people left restaurants hungry, wouldn't you suspect they're not living up to their mission?
I do notice that people invariably get hungry within hours of leaving a restaurant. Clearly restaurants cause hunger.
More seriously, it's not surprising that self-help doesn't produce instant results. People have widely varied and complex problems. It'll probably take a while to find the right advice, put into practice and see the desired results. Sure, there's a lot self-help gurus out there exploiting desperate people. But there's also a lot of genuinely helpful advice out there and people who benefit from it.
"There is a real correlation between a society that tells people that you can do anything and the existence of low self esteem."
5:20 @ http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_ph...
Thanks, that was a very interesting talk.
"Correlation doesn't prove causation"
Exactly.
In the case of these unhappy people you know, perhaps the very fact that they're unhappy leads them to seek knowledge and solace in these self-help books and articles.
"I'm quite happy, and I manage to be happy without having a list of the 6 essential things I must do every day to stay happy."
I don't think the OP is doing what you imply he is doing. He is merely listing things he does that work for him.
And some of the things listed I agree with and do (sleep, exercise) but getting up early and going to bed early is not.
"the people most into self-help books"
From my personal experience I would agree with this. There is something wrong and it appears they are searching for answers. People who are already happy don't need these answers, and if not a subject which you want to find out about because of curiosity there isn't much of a reason to read those books.
Related, on things that I am really good at I tend not to want to read any books, lest what I read alters my thinking as far as what already works for me (might put doubt into my head).
I think you missed your parent's point. I don't think his comment was a knock against the OP at all or even that he implied that Joel's list was some kind of self help advice along the lines of those "6 essential things to make you happy" type books. It seems that Joel's post only reminded him of such nonsense and he commented about that and not the actual post.
I know where he's coming from too. I really liked this post and enjoy all of Joel's writing but every now and then I see enough happiness advice on the front page that I get burnout from it and am reminded of all the crappy, empty advice there is.
I think the first thing that should be done is to look at the person's physical health.
I've had down times, but the ones that have persisted have had (strong) underlying physical components.
This is pure anecdote, of course. But I've seldom heard of a psychologist or psychiatrist prescribing and discussing a thorough physical. (I am familiar with the "you should get some exercise" mantra; however, if there is a physical component including one that gets in the way of this, it seems this can all too readily turn into a guilt trip for the patient.)
Maybe it's different in other countries. I hope so.
Life is about living.
And everything else is ways to optimize that. Sure, self-help that distracts from living could make people miserable. Good self-help OTOH is meant to be heuristics for this optimization.
Personally, I've found wake-up-early and multiple-ways-to-win to be fulfilling: and even if I know the physiological reasons behind the second one, it still remains helpful. I feel the way to win is to actually self-help: find heuristics that work for you and make them a habit.
We have a habit of looking for magic pills. Many self-help books advertise themselves as magic pills because they know that it sells. I've read my share of self-help books and articles - specifically on exercise, nutrition and startups. I can say that they have good advice.
Making changes in your life can be difficult. One can also talk at length about the mental state of someone that is only looking for magic pills and how to break out of it.
I'm not sure why the focus has to be on whether or not self-help books are helpful?
After reading what he wrote, my takeaway was that he's sharing things he's discovered about himself. What's being cited may have come from self-help books, but he's doing it to show evidence of what it is that has helped him come to each realization about himself. He is by no means marketing these self-help books, or pushing us to believe in the potential of self-help books. He's just stating what works for him, and asking people to share what works for them. Parents who love their kids can say things like, "I drop my kids off at school every morning." It's the same thing.
Take away all mentions of being "happy", replace it with "productive," and remove the citations he makes. What you're left with is something I believe a lot of people do as well regardless of it's conscious correlation to happiness.
As long as what he does helps him achieve his goals (without causing harm to himself or those around him), then all the power to him. I don't think we have any right to attack him for it.
What you do is as bad as standing next to a doctor's office and telling the people coming in, that you personally don't need to see the doctor to be healthy, so they must be doing something wrong, especially since they seem to come in more than once.
You're being a jerk, whether you meant to or not.
People who are into self-help books are the ones most likely to be miserable to begin with ---- since happy people are not interested in reading them!