Like much general-purpose advice, it's only good on average, but damaging for those more than a standard deviation away from the average in either direction. Parroting doesn't work on me, and it doesn't work on several people I've tried it on. (Other times for other people it does work, though. If you've tried it and it does, I guess keep doing it, if you've tried it and it doesn't, stop.) For kids, I observe kids from the same parents in the same household and city grow up to be completely different, and so what techniques might have worked on one child to accomplish a goal would fail for another child. I was pleased when I listened to Feynman describe this experience with his own children in one of his videos. Anyway, if I had a child I'd try this technique and see if it works or not and decide from that whether to keep using it.
The technique has been known about for a long time (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_listening regrettably doesn't include a history section), and I see the old related gender joke of "women just want to hear their own opinion in a deeper voice" reoccurring in the comments here. My favorite relatively recent comedic take on the technique is from an episode of Malcolm in the Middle, S02E15:
Malcolm: Mum, I have a problem, I need to talk.
Lois: Good, you can talk, and I will listen.
Malcolm: This football player wants to use an essay I wrote for his college
application and pretend it's his own. I know it's dishonest, but I
might be making too much of it. I wanted to get your advice.
Lois: You're hoping I can help you.
Malcolm: Yeah, I just said that. So, I don't think he should get into college
under false pretenses. But are they really false pretenses if nobody
thinks he's smart anyway? I don't want to be a part of his cheating,
but also don't want to take away his shot at going to college.
I just don't know what to do.
Lois: You're uncertain what action to take.
Malcolm: Yes. Why are you talking like a robot?
Lois: You want to know why I'm talking like a robot.
Malcolm: I have a problem and I need your help! All you're doing
is mindlessly parroting back what I say.
Lois: You say one thing, and I restate it.
Malcolm: Forget it, if you're not going to help me, you don't have to mock me!
(gets up and leaves the room)
Lois: (calling too late) We did not come from a family of criminals, you
do not let him turn in that essay! Oh god, I knew listening to our
kids would be a mistake.
You wrote a nice, long comment, but one of the key points about both the post and the book is that you specifically don't parrot them. In fact, they explicitly state they are against parroting. Instead, you acknowledge and share in a child's feelings in a way that's supposed to develop their coping skills.
I think the advice needs to be abstracted one more level out to make it useful: deeply internalize what other people are saying, and the feelings that might be behind what they are saying.
If everything flows from there then you can adapt your listening-style to each individual. Some people really like to hear that you understand them. Others just need to feel that you understand them.
It's helpful when dealing with emotional people, but is not strictly for dealing with emotions. The whole point of parroting is to repeat back to the person, in your own words, what they are saying in order to ensure both parties are on the same page. When frustrated, people want to be understood. Yes, if you merely repeat back to them what they said you're doing it wrong. It needs to be in your own words and you need to reflect bullet points, not everything they say.
Comments
Like much general-purpose advice, it's only good on average, but damaging for those more than a standard deviation away from the average in either direction. Parroting doesn't work on me, and it doesn't work on several people I've tried it on. (Other times for other people it does work, though. If you've tried it and it does, I guess keep doing it, if you've tried it and it doesn't, stop.) For kids, I observe kids from the same parents in the same household and city grow up to be completely different, and so what techniques might have worked on one child to accomplish a goal would fail for another child. I was pleased when I listened to Feynman describe this experience with his own children in one of his videos. Anyway, if I had a child I'd try this technique and see if it works or not and decide from that whether to keep using it.
The technique has been known about for a long time (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_listening regrettably doesn't include a history section), and I see the old related gender joke of "women just want to hear their own opinion in a deeper voice" reoccurring in the comments here. My favorite relatively recent comedic take on the technique is from an episode of Malcolm in the Middle, S02E15:
You wrote a nice, long comment, but one of the key points about both the post and the book is that you specifically don't parrot them. In fact, they explicitly state they are against parroting. Instead, you acknowledge and share in a child's feelings in a way that's supposed to develop their coping skills.
I agree with you Jach.
I think the advice needs to be abstracted one more level out to make it useful: deeply internalize what other people are saying, and the feelings that might be behind what they are saying.
If everything flows from there then you can adapt your listening-style to each individual. Some people really like to hear that you understand them. Others just need to feel that you understand them.
I think it's for dealing with emotions. Malcolm doesn't seem upset at the start of this exchange.
It's helpful when dealing with emotional people, but is not strictly for dealing with emotions. The whole point of parroting is to repeat back to the person, in your own words, what they are saying in order to ensure both parties are on the same page. When frustrated, people want to be understood. Yes, if you merely repeat back to them what they said you're doing it wrong. It needs to be in your own words and you need to reflect bullet points, not everything they say.