I am not a native English speaker, so please take the following with a grain of salt - IMO the copy might need improvement.
When selling something, you want to build a mental slide on which the prospect slides effortlessly toward a clear image of your offer. Your text felt more like a rocky hillside - I had to concentrate and it was slow.
Let me give you an example:
In the realm of Indiebackers: MVP takes on a new meaning – it stands for Most Valuable Person, representing the early adopters who play a pivotal role in the development of products within our community. Indiebackers was conceived with the understanding that a significant number of startups face challenges because they overlook the importance of developing for and with the community. We believe in the idea that a full-scale launch shouldn't be a prerequisite for validating an innovative concept.
In essence, Indiebackers is a collaborative platform meticulously crafted for users to share and explore groundbreaking ideas within the community. Users seize the opportunity to present a deal in exchange for support until the development of a Minimum Viable Product (MVP). Our platform is dedicated to facilitating the seamless exchange of ideas, nurturing community engagement, and providing unwavering support for the development of viable and impactful concepts.
I think this text has an unusually high cognitive load. I had to read it a few times to get what you mean:
Dear startups, here is the deal. Tell us about your ideas, and we tell you what we think of them before you spend a bunch of money implementing them. Sounds good? Reward us with some perks. - Did I even get it right?
BTW, there's a funny scene in a Czech film most HN users wouldn't know - a dude translates a factual report into marketing speak by adding a lot of adjectives. Your copy reminds me of that scene - it's not just "support", but "unwavering support", not just "crafted" but "meticulously crafted" etc. - it sounds too 'marketingy'.
I haven't written that text, I was too lazy. I most things on FAQ page but asked ChatGPT to write the learn page and minor parts on FAQ. I am going to ask it to write a simpler text because I am not native English speaker either and I totally agree with you on these points. It's quite stupid text hahaha
When I saw a paragraph starting off, "In essence, Indiebackers is a..." I internally started reading it as LLM output. Thank you for confirming that my AIdar is working :)
(Totally a reasonable thing to use it for, in my opinion!)
Comments
I like the idea.
I am not a native English speaker, so please take the following with a grain of salt - IMO the copy might need improvement.
When selling something, you want to build a mental slide on which the prospect slides effortlessly toward a clear image of your offer. Your text felt more like a rocky hillside - I had to concentrate and it was slow.
Let me give you an example:
In the realm of Indiebackers: MVP takes on a new meaning – it stands for Most Valuable Person, representing the early adopters who play a pivotal role in the development of products within our community. Indiebackers was conceived with the understanding that a significant number of startups face challenges because they overlook the importance of developing for and with the community. We believe in the idea that a full-scale launch shouldn't be a prerequisite for validating an innovative concept.
In essence, Indiebackers is a collaborative platform meticulously crafted for users to share and explore groundbreaking ideas within the community. Users seize the opportunity to present a deal in exchange for support until the development of a Minimum Viable Product (MVP). Our platform is dedicated to facilitating the seamless exchange of ideas, nurturing community engagement, and providing unwavering support for the development of viable and impactful concepts.
I think this text has an unusually high cognitive load. I had to read it a few times to get what you mean: Dear startups, here is the deal. Tell us about your ideas, and we tell you what we think of them before you spend a bunch of money implementing them. Sounds good? Reward us with some perks. - Did I even get it right?
BTW, there's a funny scene in a Czech film most HN users wouldn't know - a dude translates a factual report into marketing speak by adding a lot of adjectives. Your copy reminds me of that scene - it's not just "support", but "unwavering support", not just "crafted" but "meticulously crafted" etc. - it sounds too 'marketingy'.
Just my $0.02
Good luck!
Your comment made me smile!
I haven't written that text, I was too lazy. I most things on FAQ page but asked ChatGPT to write the learn page and minor parts on FAQ. I am going to ask it to write a simpler text because I am not native English speaker either and I totally agree with you on these points. It's quite stupid text hahaha
When I saw a paragraph starting off, "In essence, Indiebackers is a..." I internally started reading it as LLM output. Thank you for confirming that my AIdar is working :)
(Totally a reasonable thing to use it for, in my opinion!)