I can never forget that chapter and how well Feynman expressed his burnout. It's hard to imagine that even charming roguish nobel prizewinning physicists who play the bongos can feel useless sometimes. I think most likely everyone has, but it doesn't make for a very interesting blog post unless it's followed with "but I turned it all around with the Pomodoro technique!"
Nobody picks a date and says "from that point on, I'm going to grow up and lose my sense of wonder", but still it happens. I worry, sometimes, about how dangerous slow changes can be. The boiling frog thing turned out to be a myth, but the fact that it still persists as pseudo-fact tells you something about how well it aligns with our experiences. I saw a child today play for, honest to god, about half an hour with a low concrete wall. What if I'm just getting a little bit less playful every day?
With achievement I feel like you have an internal zero point that you measure from. But the zero has a dangerous tendency to climb. When I was a child I felt like the zero was at, well, zero. People got impressed if I just managed to fall over with gusto. Now I'm a proper software developer and aspiring startup guy, the zero is more like being well paid writing good code for successful projects that make an impact but are also somehow deeply meaningful, about which I make clever insights while blogging, tweeting, plussing and getting a million internet points on Hacker News.
Even if it's not quite that bad, expectations build up pretty quickly, and it's easy to end up worried about being in the negative. Why can't it all just be positive? Imagine if you could return to the days when just getting something to compile was a victory that would stay with you for days. I don't really know if it's possible, but I have been making some attempts to try.
I read a book on Stoicism that was referenced on Tim Ferriss's blog (that he writes from the deck of his jumbo yacht on the shores of lake always successful), and it actually had a lot of great stuff to say about how to stop expectations wrecking your happiness. But even armed with the ability to bring up Marcus Aurelius at dinner parties, it's tough going. I've cut down to one day a week of work (and pretty fun work with a low responsibility factor) on the theory that I should undersubscribe myself for a while and let myself naturally gravitate towards things I like without an expectation they'll be my life's work, or even very good at all.
That's meant I've spent a lot more time doing things, but I still feel a sense of residual nervousness that things I do will be bad. My website, for example, has been blank page for nigh unto half a decade now, just because I want to write something good on there and I'm not sure whatever I write will be good. Old habits die hard, I guess.
Having written this now I look back and it seems long and rambly without any particular point other than what goes through my head when I think about that part of Feynman's book. I feel an overwhelming urge to go back and tidy it up, try to tie it all into a nice conclusion or something. Maybe that's the point, though. Can't I just be proud of the fact that I wrote something without worrying that I should be able to do better? Maybe we're all standing around worried but nobody says anything because it would ruin our carefully tended never-fail image. Alright, I'm going to post it. Here goes...
From what you wrote I'm getting some feeling that you worry a quite bit about many things. I used to do that too. I was always afraid, what would other people think of me, if I said this or did that.
But a while ago, while trying to find a way to become less shy, I ran into blog of person who works as charisma coach [1]. And when he was talking about starting conversations with people you don't know on the street, he said quite interesting thing about messing up: Either you will have a nice chat or you will have funny story. So in both cases it will go great.
And while I still don't have courage to talk to people on street, I started applying this in the rest of my life. And my life started getting much better, since I stopped to worry so much. I made new friends and got closer with the ones I had and I became happier too.
So, try to enjoy life more and worry less. (:
Marcus, the guy behind Your Charisma Coach, is a very old friend of mine (I'm the one filming the bungee video!) - I've watched him overcome some of life's hardest worries and deepest funks with all the charm and charisma of Feynmann himself!
I was really pleased to see you referencing this site - the Feynmann piece reminded me of his attitude to interaction and life generally.
On that note, Dale Carnegie's classic "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" is always worth mentioning. He wrote this in 1948 and even today it is as relevant as ever.
(The most famous book of his - "How to Win Friends and Influence People" - I can really recommend too.)
Minor thing about starting conversations on the street: some folks just don't want to be bothered in the middle of their own thoughts as they're walking. If you feel weird approaching random folks - that's just being an empathetic normal person. Nothing wrong with being embarrassed - because it is weird.
That said, I do agree that practicing facing rejection is a good exercise. I just feel better about that exercise when it's done as part of something useful to others - e.g. handing out lunch coupons, etc.
A thought I have found inspiring is attributed to 19th-century Catholic minister John Henry Newman: "Nothing would be done at all if one waited until one could do it so well that no one could find fault with it."
"zero point" is perfect. My guilty refrain is "if I could just just get laid off or fired, I could work on my fun ideas. " Maybe one day my subconscious will do it for me. My subconscious actually did get me out of school when it was time for me to leave, bombing easy classes by not handing in work, to get my non-math/computer-science grades low enough that the administration sent me on vacation.
I don't know how the grandparent does it, but I had a period where I only billed 1 week a month. The key was to cut expenses. Dont buy a house, move somewhere small, ditch the cell for google voice, only one car, etc.
Comments
I can never forget that chapter and how well Feynman expressed his burnout. It's hard to imagine that even charming roguish nobel prizewinning physicists who play the bongos can feel useless sometimes. I think most likely everyone has, but it doesn't make for a very interesting blog post unless it's followed with "but I turned it all around with the Pomodoro technique!"
Nobody picks a date and says "from that point on, I'm going to grow up and lose my sense of wonder", but still it happens. I worry, sometimes, about how dangerous slow changes can be. The boiling frog thing turned out to be a myth, but the fact that it still persists as pseudo-fact tells you something about how well it aligns with our experiences. I saw a child today play for, honest to god, about half an hour with a low concrete wall. What if I'm just getting a little bit less playful every day?
With achievement I feel like you have an internal zero point that you measure from. But the zero has a dangerous tendency to climb. When I was a child I felt like the zero was at, well, zero. People got impressed if I just managed to fall over with gusto. Now I'm a proper software developer and aspiring startup guy, the zero is more like being well paid writing good code for successful projects that make an impact but are also somehow deeply meaningful, about which I make clever insights while blogging, tweeting, plussing and getting a million internet points on Hacker News.
Even if it's not quite that bad, expectations build up pretty quickly, and it's easy to end up worried about being in the negative. Why can't it all just be positive? Imagine if you could return to the days when just getting something to compile was a victory that would stay with you for days. I don't really know if it's possible, but I have been making some attempts to try.
I read a book on Stoicism that was referenced on Tim Ferriss's blog (that he writes from the deck of his jumbo yacht on the shores of lake always successful), and it actually had a lot of great stuff to say about how to stop expectations wrecking your happiness. But even armed with the ability to bring up Marcus Aurelius at dinner parties, it's tough going. I've cut down to one day a week of work (and pretty fun work with a low responsibility factor) on the theory that I should undersubscribe myself for a while and let myself naturally gravitate towards things I like without an expectation they'll be my life's work, or even very good at all.
That's meant I've spent a lot more time doing things, but I still feel a sense of residual nervousness that things I do will be bad. My website, for example, has been blank page for nigh unto half a decade now, just because I want to write something good on there and I'm not sure whatever I write will be good. Old habits die hard, I guess.
Having written this now I look back and it seems long and rambly without any particular point other than what goes through my head when I think about that part of Feynman's book. I feel an overwhelming urge to go back and tidy it up, try to tie it all into a nice conclusion or something. Maybe that's the point, though. Can't I just be proud of the fact that I wrote something without worrying that I should be able to do better? Maybe we're all standing around worried but nobody says anything because it would ruin our carefully tended never-fail image. Alright, I'm going to post it. Here goes...
From what you wrote I'm getting some feeling that you worry a quite bit about many things. I used to do that too. I was always afraid, what would other people think of me, if I said this or did that. But a while ago, while trying to find a way to become less shy, I ran into blog of person who works as charisma coach [1]. And when he was talking about starting conversations with people you don't know on the street, he said quite interesting thing about messing up: Either you will have a nice chat or you will have funny story. So in both cases it will go great. And while I still don't have courage to talk to people on street, I started applying this in the rest of my life. And my life started getting much better, since I stopped to worry so much. I made new friends and got closer with the ones I had and I became happier too. So, try to enjoy life more and worry less. (:
[1] http://www.yourcharismacoach.com/
Marcus, the guy behind Your Charisma Coach, is a very old friend of mine (I'm the one filming the bungee video!) - I've watched him overcome some of life's hardest worries and deepest funks with all the charm and charisma of Feynmann himself!
I was really pleased to see you referencing this site - the Feynmann piece reminded me of his attitude to interaction and life generally.
On that note, Dale Carnegie's classic "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" is always worth mentioning. He wrote this in 1948 and even today it is as relevant as ever.
(The most famous book of his - "How to Win Friends and Influence People" - I can really recommend too.)
Minor thing about starting conversations on the street: some folks just don't want to be bothered in the middle of their own thoughts as they're walking. If you feel weird approaching random folks - that's just being an empathetic normal person. Nothing wrong with being embarrassed - because it is weird.
That said, I do agree that practicing facing rejection is a good exercise. I just feel better about that exercise when it's done as part of something useful to others - e.g. handing out lunch coupons, etc.
A thought I have found inspiring is attributed to 19th-century Catholic minister John Henry Newman: "Nothing would be done at all if one waited until one could do it so well that no one could find fault with it."
I believe GK Chesterton cadged this into something like "Anything worth doing is worth doing badly."
For what it's worth; this was one of the best written, deeply true, comments I have read in a long time.
"zero point" is perfect. My guilty refrain is "if I could just just get laid off or fired, I could work on my fun ideas. " Maybe one day my subconscious will do it for me. My subconscious actually did get me out of school when it was time for me to leave, bombing easy classes by not handing in work, to get my non-math/computer-science grades low enough that the administration sent me on vacation.
Nice story. Just to get this straight: you went down to only 1 paid day of work? Nice, how do you make things go around?
I don't know how the grandparent does it, but I had a period where I only billed 1 week a month. The key was to cut expenses. Dont buy a house, move somewhere small, ditch the cell for google voice, only one car, etc.
People start to lose their sense of wonder as soon as they start developing memory¹:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejbNVWES4LI
¹ I just invented this fact.