That sounds like textbook ADHD my friend. ADHD isn't the inability to focus, it is the inability to control your focus. It's a form of executive disfunction that can cause you to procrastinate things which are annoying, or hyper-focus (to an unhealthy degree) on things which are inartistically interesting.
Just this morning I was late to an appointment that was really important, because I was really invested into fixing this bug I was working on. In the grand scheme of things that was a stupid decision, and if I had taken even 2 seconds to think about it I would have closed my laptop and went to my appointment. But I didn't stop to think: that's ADHD.
Your comment made me realize that I may have ADHD... I'm 42. I completely relate to parent comment too. Can someone point me to liturgies on the condition, I would like to understand a bit more? What is the process to get a diagnosis?
Talk to a psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD. They have a standard set of questions they ask and score your response, and that's pretty much the whole of diagnosis.
If you want to know for sure, your response to stimulant meds is really the best way of finding out, and typically an office would prescribe a week or two worth of meds after initial diagnosis, if you choose to go that route. If you do not have ADHD, the meds will make you high and hyperactive. If you do have ADHD, the stimulants will paradoxically make you calm, focused, and rational. This is called the 'paradoxical response' and is really the only medical differentiator between ADHD and non-ADHD folks. The explanation is that ADHD people have an understimulated prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision making and awareness. A stimulant medication boosts the prefrontal cortex, making you more present, aware of your surroundings, and in control of your thoughts and actions, but without putting you in hyperdrive as in the classic stimulant response. (If you don't respond well to meds, you might have bipolar or other issues which often present as executive disfunction and are misdiagnosed.)
I was diagnosed in my late 30's, and my only regret is not recognizing and getting help earlier. In retrospect it's caused me a huge amount of difficulty all throughout my life, and I used to blame myself for something I now know to be out of my control, yet fixed by medication.
For adults, the hyperactivity manifests more as restlessness and impulsive behavior. Conversely, tasks you find under-stimulating (boring tasks, waiting in line, driving in traffic) may feel extra draining or mentally painful.
Your living space may be cluttered or may become cluttered if you do not keep on top of it. Dishes can pile up and cleanup tasks feel insurmountable. Ironically, when you want to clean, you might hyper-focus into a mega deep clean.
You may also find that starting tasks is very difficult and you won’t until it become a crisis. Tasks with no clear “done criteria”, non-linear steps, or undefined processes will be the worst. You will either way over prepare or go in without any information and just wing it because it’s painful to get sucked into a rabbit hole. You might understand how badly this can (and will) turn out, but can’t seem to do anything about it.
You’ve also likely had many jobs, have an emotional hair trigger, tend burn bridges, cannot stand stupid in your life, but feel inadequate for, despite having good intentions, can’t seem to get anything done.
Just wanna note that having ADHD doesn’t mean you suffer from all of these things.
Tasks with no clear “done criteria”, non-linear steps, or undefined processes will be the worst.
This was a major revelation for me. Even now in my 30s, I have to write out my own “acceptance criteria” for vague and ambiguous objectives at work to make sure I accomplish it, else it gets forever delayed in favor of smaller, more discrete tasks.
You might understand how badly this can (and will) turn out, but can’t seem to do anything about it.
To be clear, I think this is the major differentiating aspect of ADHD. Most people suffer from everything else on your list to varying degrees, but if they actually care they can make changes. ADHD people can really, really WANT to change, yet end up making the same mistakes over and over and blaming themselves.
Still, if anyone deeply resonates with this ^ comment, you should seek psychiatric help. Whether your issue is ADHD, OCD, bipolar, or something else, there are meds or other interventions that help.
The one that set off the light bulb for me was a book called The ADHD Effect on Marriage. 2 years ago I got a formal diagnosis having completed the DIVA (and got full marks )
Comments
That sounds like textbook ADHD my friend. ADHD isn't the inability to focus, it is the inability to control your focus. It's a form of executive disfunction that can cause you to procrastinate things which are annoying, or hyper-focus (to an unhealthy degree) on things which are inartistically interesting.
Just this morning I was late to an appointment that was really important, because I was really invested into fixing this bug I was working on. In the grand scheme of things that was a stupid decision, and if I had taken even 2 seconds to think about it I would have closed my laptop and went to my appointment. But I didn't stop to think: that's ADHD.
Your comment made me realize that I may have ADHD... I'm 42. I completely relate to parent comment too. Can someone point me to liturgies on the condition, I would like to understand a bit more? What is the process to get a diagnosis?
Talk to a psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD. They have a standard set of questions they ask and score your response, and that's pretty much the whole of diagnosis.
If you want to know for sure, your response to stimulant meds is really the best way of finding out, and typically an office would prescribe a week or two worth of meds after initial diagnosis, if you choose to go that route. If you do not have ADHD, the meds will make you high and hyperactive. If you do have ADHD, the stimulants will paradoxically make you calm, focused, and rational. This is called the 'paradoxical response' and is really the only medical differentiator between ADHD and non-ADHD folks. The explanation is that ADHD people have an understimulated prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision making and awareness. A stimulant medication boosts the prefrontal cortex, making you more present, aware of your surroundings, and in control of your thoughts and actions, but without putting you in hyperdrive as in the classic stimulant response. (If you don't respond well to meds, you might have bipolar or other issues which often present as executive disfunction and are misdiagnosed.)
I was diagnosed in my late 30's, and my only regret is not recognizing and getting help earlier. In retrospect it's caused me a huge amount of difficulty all throughout my life, and I used to blame myself for something I now know to be out of my control, yet fixed by medication.
For adults, the hyperactivity manifests more as restlessness and impulsive behavior. Conversely, tasks you find under-stimulating (boring tasks, waiting in line, driving in traffic) may feel extra draining or mentally painful.
Your living space may be cluttered or may become cluttered if you do not keep on top of it. Dishes can pile up and cleanup tasks feel insurmountable. Ironically, when you want to clean, you might hyper-focus into a mega deep clean.
You may also find that starting tasks is very difficult and you won’t until it become a crisis. Tasks with no clear “done criteria”, non-linear steps, or undefined processes will be the worst. You will either way over prepare or go in without any information and just wing it because it’s painful to get sucked into a rabbit hole. You might understand how badly this can (and will) turn out, but can’t seem to do anything about it.
You’ve also likely had many jobs, have an emotional hair trigger, tend burn bridges, cannot stand stupid in your life, but feel inadequate for, despite having good intentions, can’t seem to get anything done.
Just wanna note that having ADHD doesn’t mean you suffer from all of these things.
This was a major revelation for me. Even now in my 30s, I have to write out my own “acceptance criteria” for vague and ambiguous objectives at work to make sure I accomplish it, else it gets forever delayed in favor of smaller, more discrete tasks.
To be clear, I think this is the major differentiating aspect of ADHD. Most people suffer from everything else on your list to varying degrees, but if they actually care they can make changes. ADHD people can really, really WANT to change, yet end up making the same mistakes over and over and blaming themselves.
Still, if anyone deeply resonates with this ^ comment, you should seek psychiatric help. Whether your issue is ADHD, OCD, bipolar, or something else, there are meds or other interventions that help.
The one that set off the light bulb for me was a book called The ADHD Effect on Marriage. 2 years ago I got a formal diagnosis having completed the DIVA (and got full marks )
Thank you, I'll check that out.
In my case I sought help only once my marriage and career were falling apart. Things are better now, but there's always room for improvement.
I cannot recommend this book enough. It saved my marriage. I also highly recommend taking Melissa Orlov's course as a couple if you can.
Is this book and course helpful when both parties have ADHD? We used to both be medicated. Now only one of us is.
Thank you very much. I will check that out immediately