I went to the early bug gatherings at Ajedrez's house, played ~10,000 games, have taught chess, know a bunch of GMs and top bug players, etc etc

So basically you think you have enough status you should beat someone on the internet, and you're arguing because you don't realize you're completely outmatched?

You also haven't addressed any of my actual points, e.g. that 5min bug = 3+ min of sitting, and this can be learned in very short order.