"For that matter, you'd think there would be a better service out there that would research anything like that."

You're asking for the Semantic Web.

No, really: if everyone's data were available as data, so you didn't have to scrape human-readable representations, this would be approximately trivial (at least, it'd be trivial for Google, because they already have this kind of raw computational horsepower, and experience with embarrassingly parallel programming).