OP - I'm sad that you had such a bad experience with meds, and I'm sad that experience makes you not trust doctors. You should be in control of any medication you take, and if it has bad side-effects your doctor should be willing to change meds.
Please may I make some suggestions? I have no medical training, and it's a good idea to talk to doctors.
1) Make a "rainy day action plan" and give it to someone you trust. This would have a list of signs that things are not going well (either too high or too low) and that you might need some help. It would include a list of things to do, and people to contact, when you do need help. It would also include any "Advance Directives" (written instructions for clinicians about your future treatment) I don't know if they exist in your country, but they're a strong and useful tool in the UK.
2) Consider regular vigorous exercise. There's plenty of evidence that good exercise helps lift moods. Be careful when you're feeling up that you do not over-exercise.
3) Consider being very careful with the amount of alcohol you drink. Alcohol depresses mood. Sometimes people feel the effect for a day or so after drinking even a small amount. This is especially important if you're drinking alone. (The UK has the concept of "units" for public health about drinking. If you're drinking more than 21 units a week, without 48 hour breaks after a heavy drink session, you may be risky for physical harm)
4) Consider being careful with caffeine. Some people feel the affect more strongly than others.
5) Consider "sleep hygiene". Sleep is often disturbed with mood disorders. Sleep hygiene is the first line treatment. Then you could try CBT for sleep disorders if you can find it. Otherwise a short course of a z drug may help kick you back into a sleep rhythm.
Comments
OP - I'm sad that you had such a bad experience with meds, and I'm sad that experience makes you not trust doctors. You should be in control of any medication you take, and if it has bad side-effects your doctor should be willing to change meds.
Please may I make some suggestions? I have no medical training, and it's a good idea to talk to doctors.
1) Make a "rainy day action plan" and give it to someone you trust. This would have a list of signs that things are not going well (either too high or too low) and that you might need some help. It would include a list of things to do, and people to contact, when you do need help. It would also include any "Advance Directives" (written instructions for clinicians about your future treatment) I don't know if they exist in your country, but they're a strong and useful tool in the UK.
2) Consider regular vigorous exercise. There's plenty of evidence that good exercise helps lift moods. Be careful when you're feeling up that you do not over-exercise.
3) Consider being very careful with the amount of alcohol you drink. Alcohol depresses mood. Sometimes people feel the effect for a day or so after drinking even a small amount. This is especially important if you're drinking alone. (The UK has the concept of "units" for public health about drinking. If you're drinking more than 21 units a week, without 48 hour breaks after a heavy drink session, you may be risky for physical harm)
4) Consider being careful with caffeine. Some people feel the affect more strongly than others.
5) Consider "sleep hygiene". Sleep is often disturbed with mood disorders. Sleep hygiene is the first line treatment. Then you could try CBT for sleep disorders if you can find it. Otherwise a short course of a z drug may help kick you back into a sleep rhythm.