Do you have any suggestions at all for where to look?
I've bought from Memory4Less in the past and had a good experience. ServerSupply was also a source I used for work, although I don't think I've ever bought anything from them for personal use.
Also, is it really just lack of XMP and having to OC manually?
Yes.
My impression was that you could expect extremely little OC to be stable even if you did it yourself.
All other things being equal, I would expect ECC RAM to have somewhat lower overclocking headroom than non-ECC memory, because the memory controller has to drive an additional memory chip with a wider memory bus. However, I generally wouldn't expect significantly worse results than the manual overclocking that enthusiasts did in the past. Obviously, as with any overclocking, your mileage may vary.
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I've bought from Memory4Less in the past and had a good experience. ServerSupply was also a source I used for work, although I don't think I've ever bought anything from them for personal use.
Yes.
All other things being equal, I would expect ECC RAM to have somewhat lower overclocking headroom than non-ECC memory, because the memory controller has to drive an additional memory chip with a wider memory bus. However, I generally wouldn't expect significantly worse results than the manual overclocking that enthusiasts did in the past. Obviously, as with any overclocking, your mileage may vary.