I remember that feeling well. Took years to shake even after the first time.
Without writing a novel on the subject, it helps to take a perspective lifted from evolutionary biology, and embrace your inner beast. It's possible to be too much of a nice guy.
This is a classic nerd's reductionist view of interpersonal interaction. You are not either a nice guy or a bad boy. Your personality has many more degrees of freedom than this. If it doesn't, then that may in fact be your problem.
I don't think that's the right way to go. I think it's better to _change_ yourself in such a way you are more comfortable in talking/interacting with women. AND most importantly to _stop_ thinking they'll hate you just coz your a nerd.
Because there's an interesting effect in play here (this applies to both men/women): if you think other people don't like you, then the way you act towards will possibly cause that to be reality. On the other hand if you actually take an interest in others and try to get to know them, even the ones who were initially repulsed by you will have change of mind.
I've been reading a book called "Falling in love: Why we choose the lovers we do". It's a fascinating book, and it mentions how studies have been done to show that when people believe that other people like them, they behave in a way that actually makes other people like them.
And, as the old saying goes (maybe it's not old, but I've seen it many times), the best way to be loved by people is to love people.
Comments
I remember that feeling well. Took years to shake even after the first time.
Without writing a novel on the subject, it helps to take a perspective lifted from evolutionary biology, and embrace your inner beast. It's possible to be too much of a nice guy.
>It's possible to be too much of a nice guy.
This is a classic nerd's reductionist view of interpersonal interaction. You are not either a nice guy or a bad boy. Your personality has many more degrees of freedom than this. If it doesn't, then that may in fact be your problem.
I don't think that's the right way to go. I think it's better to _change_ yourself in such a way you are more comfortable in talking/interacting with women. AND most importantly to _stop_ thinking they'll hate you just coz your a nerd.
Because there's an interesting effect in play here (this applies to both men/women): if you think other people don't like you, then the way you act towards will possibly cause that to be reality. On the other hand if you actually take an interest in others and try to get to know them, even the ones who were initially repulsed by you will have change of mind.
I've been reading a book called "Falling in love: Why we choose the lovers we do". It's a fascinating book, and it mentions how studies have been done to show that when people believe that other people like them, they behave in a way that actually makes other people like them.
And, as the old saying goes (maybe it's not old, but I've seen it many times), the best way to be loved by people is to love people.
It's good to be nice if you genuinely want to be nice.
If you are doing it because you are living out a "covert contract", then people can smell that and it's not attractive.
Have a look-see at this: http://evolutionmale.wordpress.com/2011/03/06/nice-guys-aren...
(Not pointed at lukifer in particular, I'm sure he knows this already).