I've often mused that in like 100 years we'll (...hopefully...) have an entire lexicon of mnemonics and conveyances to express what's going on in the mind. It's currently like we're 12 month olds bashing blocks together and learning our first words.
Within the framework of thus-established understanding, I'd wager this might classify as ADD. It's a form of attention deficit: the process of collecting, prioritizing and storing stimulus isn't working properly, despite generally laser-focused intentions otherwise.
While carrying some heavy-ish bags a short distance from A to B after a long day, I observed that the muscles in my forearms abruptly started to loosen/weaken over the course of a couple seconds and that progressively greater effort was needed in that moment to strain to keep my hands closed over the bag handles. (I quickly put the bags down realizing my muscles were going "429 too many requests" (lol) and that pushing things would probably be Bad™.) I generally compare AD(H)D and my focus issues to the same sort of model; my intention is pretty much "I am <here> and I want to be <there>", but in practice I feel like my willpower to carry that sort of intention out is sitting atop a box on an oil slick on a non-level surface, such that whenever I need to mentally self-check where I'm up to with whatever I realize my frame of reference has gone and moved *again* and I have to recalibrate where <here> is so I can start over. The disorientation can be tiring.
That's the best specific description of how I experience ADHD myself (it mostly affects finding the same task interesting for long periods of time) - but I think I can kind of see some related sentiment in how you describe your memory issues, particularly the disconnect between what you describe as "active" memory and... whatever the other thing is that you're supposed to have but is replaced with empty space (I'm missing it too, and have a great time forgetting ideas and connections between things - usually the "!!!" dynamic of how A relates to B... aaand it's gone).
The note-taking issues are curious. I also have a problem writing things down, which currently surfaces as a glitch wherein anything that goes onto paper that isn't a finished, done, thing... is basically worthless. Like, once something goes onto paper or a screen, it's *done*, no further editing or review to happen. (Somehow, mercifully, programming is an exception (!).) This basically negates list-writing. I wonder if this is because something's hitting a cognitive-dissonance trigger: perhaps some part of the brain is underdeveloped or otherwise not providing the "full-resolution" signal that it's supposed to send elsewhere, but still hitting certain notes that cue the destination to go "this is good data"... I mean for myself I just feel like the data I'm getting from my own writing is just... plain old unsettling, like a kid wrote it and I'm expected to take it seriously, or something.
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I've often mused that in like 100 years we'll (...hopefully...) have an entire lexicon of mnemonics and conveyances to express what's going on in the mind. It's currently like we're 12 month olds bashing blocks together and learning our first words.
Within the framework of thus-established understanding, I'd wager this might classify as ADD. It's a form of attention deficit: the process of collecting, prioritizing and storing stimulus isn't working properly, despite generally laser-focused intentions otherwise.
While carrying some heavy-ish bags a short distance from A to B after a long day, I observed that the muscles in my forearms abruptly started to loosen/weaken over the course of a couple seconds and that progressively greater effort was needed in that moment to strain to keep my hands closed over the bag handles. (I quickly put the bags down realizing my muscles were going "429 too many requests" (lol) and that pushing things would probably be Bad™.) I generally compare AD(H)D and my focus issues to the same sort of model; my intention is pretty much "I am <here> and I want to be <there>", but in practice I feel like my willpower to carry that sort of intention out is sitting atop a box on an oil slick on a non-level surface, such that whenever I need to mentally self-check where I'm up to with whatever I realize my frame of reference has gone and moved *again* and I have to recalibrate where <here> is so I can start over. The disorientation can be tiring.
That's the best specific description of how I experience ADHD myself (it mostly affects finding the same task interesting for long periods of time) - but I think I can kind of see some related sentiment in how you describe your memory issues, particularly the disconnect between what you describe as "active" memory and... whatever the other thing is that you're supposed to have but is replaced with empty space (I'm missing it too, and have a great time forgetting ideas and connections between things - usually the "!!!" dynamic of how A relates to B... aaand it's gone).
The note-taking issues are curious. I also have a problem writing things down, which currently surfaces as a glitch wherein anything that goes onto paper that isn't a finished, done, thing... is basically worthless. Like, once something goes onto paper or a screen, it's *done*, no further editing or review to happen. (Somehow, mercifully, programming is an exception (!).) This basically negates list-writing. I wonder if this is because something's hitting a cognitive-dissonance trigger: perhaps some part of the brain is underdeveloped or otherwise not providing the "full-resolution" signal that it's supposed to send elsewhere, but still hitting certain notes that cue the destination to go "this is good data"... I mean for myself I just feel like the data I'm getting from my own writing is just... plain old unsettling, like a kid wrote it and I'm expected to take it seriously, or something.
I've actually had this for years.