In the experience I have in dealing with grief and in helping others through it, I'd say it's ok to feel whatever you're feeling (or not feeling).
I think the loss of a loved one can bring so many different emotions and that we may put pressure on ourselves (and others on us) to feel certain emotions and not others, but emotions often come or don't, outside of our control.
I had a friend who lost his best friend unexpectedly, mid 30s, and he said to me a few days after that he had the urge to go dance but felt guilty that he would go dance at the place where he and his friend would go. I told him it's ok to feel excited to dance, it's ok to feel sad, it's ok to feel confused, ashamed, numb, relieved, and many more.
Sometimes certain emotions come for people immediately, sometimes later, sometimes not at all—and that's ok.
Regarding talking to your family, sometimes it can be hard when our emotions are in conflict with theirs. If I say I'm feeling sad but not broken and they're feeling broken, they may have a knee-jerk reaction to attack our worth, eg, "What's wrong with you, didn't you care about them?" So what I try to do is pre-empt it a bit by saying how I feel and also saying I don't know why I feel that way, and then also saying how I I imagine they might be feeling. Almost exactly how you stated it in this Ask HN above. They may still respond in some form of attack, which can be hard to prevent. The part about imagining how they may be feeling might help you realize that their knee-jerk reactions to you are probably coming from their current emotional state.
I'd be willing to chat about this with you more if you'd like, most of my work is leading how to respond to emotional attacks and respond with love. If you'd like to, please find my email in my bio and send me one.
You're more normal than you think you are. I'm really grateful you posted this and that I saw it. I hope this helps you feel a little more at ease with how you're feeling. You got this.
Comments
In the experience I have in dealing with grief and in helping others through it, I'd say it's ok to feel whatever you're feeling (or not feeling).
I think the loss of a loved one can bring so many different emotions and that we may put pressure on ourselves (and others on us) to feel certain emotions and not others, but emotions often come or don't, outside of our control.
I had a friend who lost his best friend unexpectedly, mid 30s, and he said to me a few days after that he had the urge to go dance but felt guilty that he would go dance at the place where he and his friend would go. I told him it's ok to feel excited to dance, it's ok to feel sad, it's ok to feel confused, ashamed, numb, relieved, and many more.
Sometimes certain emotions come for people immediately, sometimes later, sometimes not at all—and that's ok.
Regarding talking to your family, sometimes it can be hard when our emotions are in conflict with theirs. If I say I'm feeling sad but not broken and they're feeling broken, they may have a knee-jerk reaction to attack our worth, eg, "What's wrong with you, didn't you care about them?" So what I try to do is pre-empt it a bit by saying how I feel and also saying I don't know why I feel that way, and then also saying how I I imagine they might be feeling. Almost exactly how you stated it in this Ask HN above. They may still respond in some form of attack, which can be hard to prevent. The part about imagining how they may be feeling might help you realize that their knee-jerk reactions to you are probably coming from their current emotional state.
I'd be willing to chat about this with you more if you'd like, most of my work is leading how to respond to emotional attacks and respond with love. If you'd like to, please find my email in my bio and send me one.
You're more normal than you think you are. I'm really grateful you posted this and that I saw it. I hope this helps you feel a little more at ease with how you're feeling. You got this.