Here's my canned response:

I want to work with the cool technologies I love, namely Python, Django, jQuery, Postgresql, MongoDB, and if it has to be Java it better be something cool for Android.

I need at least ${insert a very competitive salary for my region} to make a jump. I also need full time and good benefits, I don't do contract to hire.

I need a flexible work schedule, sometimes I like to come in very early, sometimes not. I also hate commuting so being able to work from home at least once a week is a must.

So far my requirements have been enough to keep most recruiters at bay.