I read the same book. It was compulsory for a management class I was doing.
A lot of people rave about how great it is, but personally I couldn't quite overcome the niggling voice of shame in the back of my head that said "You're reading a self-help book".
I felt dirty afterwards, and I stored the book in a drawer rather than on my bookshelf. It's probably not really a bad book, though.
I think it's a techie thing. I took a course at work about influence and negotiation and the reaction of some people I was talking to (a few scientists) was "oh, you're taking that class on manipulating people!" complete with rolled eyeballs.
Actually of all the classes I've taken at work, that was one of the most useful.
The answer to that is obviously: Yes, I prefer to know when and how I'm being manipulated, rather than walk around being blind to my strings being pulled.
I've come across the same reaction amongst my techie friends as well. I don't understand why so many smart people have such a big blindspot about this issue.
Sigh!
There is a huge difference between manipulating someone and negotiating to get what you want. The first implies control, generally without their consent. The latter is all about understanding their needs (which are often emotional and may require asking probing questions, reading body language, making that person comfortable etc) and finding out how you can come to a consensus that satisfies both parties.
The problem I was alluding to is that technical people seem to think that using anything other than cold, hard facts to come to terms is "manipulative." And quite simply, the world doesn't work that way.
[edit]
Now that I re-read your reply, I think I took it completely the wrong way :-) Sorry.
Comments
By the end, have you bought 3 more books, the training tapes, and a lifetime subscription to his newsletter?
I read the same book. It was compulsory for a management class I was doing.
A lot of people rave about how great it is, but personally I couldn't quite overcome the niggling voice of shame in the back of my head that said "You're reading a self-help book".
I felt dirty afterwards, and I stored the book in a drawer rather than on my bookshelf. It's probably not really a bad book, though.
Why feel shame at reading a book which improves your skills? Would you feel shame after reading a startup self-help book such as "Getting Real"?
I think it's a techie thing. I took a course at work about influence and negotiation and the reaction of some people I was talking to (a few scientists) was "oh, you're taking that class on manipulating people!" complete with rolled eyeballs. Actually of all the classes I've taken at work, that was one of the most useful.
The answer to that is obviously: Yes, I prefer to know when and how I'm being manipulated, rather than walk around being blind to my strings being pulled.
I've come across the same reaction amongst my techie friends as well. I don't understand why so many smart people have such a big blindspot about this issue.
Sigh! There is a huge difference between manipulating someone and negotiating to get what you want. The first implies control, generally without their consent. The latter is all about understanding their needs (which are often emotional and may require asking probing questions, reading body language, making that person comfortable etc) and finding out how you can come to a consensus that satisfies both parties.
The problem I was alluding to is that technical people seem to think that using anything other than cold, hard facts to come to terms is "manipulative." And quite simply, the world doesn't work that way.
[edit] Now that I re-read your reply, I think I took it completely the wrong way :-) Sorry.