I agree in various degrees with most of the letter, except one point I strongly disagree: compare with others.
First, comparing to others will motivate you to get better, have a positive target you want to reach: "I want to be as good as Jake" was my model when I was in college, Jake was at that time the best IT expert I met for a decade.
Second, because you need to know where you are and what is going around you. You need to know your peers and how you are qualified versus them, how productive and appreciated you are and how are you paid. You may be motivated to do something when you find the new colleague still in college is earning as much as you do after 10 years just because the company wants to promote women and "reverse the wage gap", so they give female college students positions and wages equal or higher than top rated senior engineers that are male. Just saying, I saw many such cases.
And I disagree with your disagreement. The following phrase in particular gives me pause.
You may be motivated to do something when you find the new colleague still in college is earning as much as you do after 10 years just because the company wants to promote women and "reverse the wage gap", so they give female college students positions and wages equal or higher than top rated senior engineers that are male. Just saying, I saw many such cases.
I don't know you, but I have known a number of people who said things that sounded like that. (With different concretes.) They were unable to productively work with people who they thought had been unfairly promoted. Their resentment hindered their productivity. And I found myself in disagreement with their self-image about how good and deserving they were.
It didn't matter whether I privately agreed or disagreed with the promotion that they complained about. The fact that they were looking around the workplace and thinking about that lead to the negative behaviors for themselves. And their negative behaviors added toxicity to the workplace.
For this reason and others, I prefer the advice in the letter. Comparing with others might work out in the short run, but in the long run it doesn't seem to work out in our profession.
Totally agree. I've always found it easier to work with someone who was unskilled but eager over someone who had the skills but was deliberately dragging things down through resentment.
I totally agree. Eventually you will compete with your peers for attention, housing, world resources, etc. It is vital that you compare yourself to other. Of course, comparison should not happen in a way that leads to jealousy, but rather a mindful choice of "I want to become good at this" or "I want to stay out of this".
Then you prefer to live in a bubble and not having any idea how you perform versus others? It's a great way to become the last of the pack and get fired while believing you are so much better than yourself a month ago.
Just be selective, only compare yourself to others whom you know are doing worse.
j/k of course, I agree, comparing yourself to others is not beneficial. Compare yourself to your past self is more motivational. There's a good chance that today you are better at whatever it is you chose to do than last year.
Furthermore, I'd also advise parents not to compare their children to other children. (it happens)
Comments
I agree in various degrees with most of the letter, except one point I strongly disagree: compare with others.
First, comparing to others will motivate you to get better, have a positive target you want to reach: "I want to be as good as Jake" was my model when I was in college, Jake was at that time the best IT expert I met for a decade.
Second, because you need to know where you are and what is going around you. You need to know your peers and how you are qualified versus them, how productive and appreciated you are and how are you paid. You may be motivated to do something when you find the new colleague still in college is earning as much as you do after 10 years just because the company wants to promote women and "reverse the wage gap", so they give female college students positions and wages equal or higher than top rated senior engineers that are male. Just saying, I saw many such cases.
And I disagree with your disagreement. The following phrase in particular gives me pause.
You may be motivated to do something when you find the new colleague still in college is earning as much as you do after 10 years just because the company wants to promote women and "reverse the wage gap", so they give female college students positions and wages equal or higher than top rated senior engineers that are male. Just saying, I saw many such cases.
I don't know you, but I have known a number of people who said things that sounded like that. (With different concretes.) They were unable to productively work with people who they thought had been unfairly promoted. Their resentment hindered their productivity. And I found myself in disagreement with their self-image about how good and deserving they were.
It didn't matter whether I privately agreed or disagreed with the promotion that they complained about. The fact that they were looking around the workplace and thinking about that lead to the negative behaviors for themselves. And their negative behaviors added toxicity to the workplace.
For this reason and others, I prefer the advice in the letter. Comparing with others might work out in the short run, but in the long run it doesn't seem to work out in our profession.
Totally agree. I've always found it easier to work with someone who was unskilled but eager over someone who had the skills but was deliberately dragging things down through resentment.
I totally agree. Eventually you will compete with your peers for attention, housing, world resources, etc. It is vital that you compare yourself to other. Of course, comparison should not happen in a way that leads to jealousy, but rather a mindful choice of "I want to become good at this" or "I want to stay out of this".
When I think of the things that bring me joy, comparing myself to others doesn’t come up.
Then you prefer to live in a bubble and not having any idea how you perform versus others? It's a great way to become the last of the pack and get fired while believing you are so much better than yourself a month ago.
Just be selective, only compare yourself to others whom you know are doing worse.
j/k of course, I agree, comparing yourself to others is not beneficial. Compare yourself to your past self is more motivational. There's a good chance that today you are better at whatever it is you chose to do than last year.
Furthermore, I'd also advise parents not to compare their children to other children. (it happens)
Gosh, maybe you know what it feels like to be a woman in any other company, then? At least you got that empathy from the deal.