Invite discussion with your language by using words like “I think” and “maybe”. (I call this conversational style: "Maybe you should talk more like a woman?")
Aside from the fact that I did not understand that "talk like a woman" thing, is the author
advising us to stop the long-running advice of "speak precisely" with "say anything, even if you are not sure' with the only caveat being to let people know when you aren't certain of something?
That's like a public speaker telling me to say "uuhh..." in between my phrases!
is the author advising us to stop the long-running advice of "speak precisely" with "say anything, even if you are not sure' with the only caveat being to let people know when you aren't certain of something?
You got it all wrong. The key point is that by adopting a conversation style where you cease to impose your beliefs as unquestionable facts and start to leave the door open for others to provide their observations and insight, you start to get observations and insights from others.
It's as simple as that.
And by the way, your personal opinion is not precision or an expression of a fact. Your personal opinion is just the conclusion you've made based on the information and experience you had up to that point. If you cease to be defensive about your opinions when sharing them with others, others will follow suit.
I don't think the advice entails lower quality discourse. The prescription here, read literally, is to say the same thing, phrased in a way that invites relevant discussion.
Language emphasising subjectivity can do several things - a) you signal uncertainty so that the group has a better idea of what's really known, b) you explicitly distinguish opinion from fact, c) you invite people to share their understanding so you can get on the same page.
The emphasis seems to be less the informational (a) and (b) and more the cultural (c). It's tricky - in some sense if you're certain, you undermine the force of your opinion this way. Comparing the two communication styles there's a tradeoff between reducing friction (unnecessary? examination) and encouraging communication in general, with possible benefits for cohesion, shared understanding and expertise but also the possible detriment of communal navel gazing. If you trust the studies this refers to, encouraging equal turn-taking overall has long-term benefits for productivity.
I think both approaches have failure cases where communication becomes ineffective. Individuals will adapt to each style to different degrees, and there's no total substitute for savvy folks who are alert to social forces at play, and guide discussions when team members over- or under-play their hands.
To share the generalisation used by this piece, the suggested conversational style is more hospitable to women. Where this article talks about psychological safety, equal participation etc., I think a lot of male engineers feel safe in much more confrontational and argumentative situations than women - they can even find a kind of fun in conflict, or regard it as totally impersonal, where many women would find it deeply unpleasant and to be avoided at all costs.
Maybe framing it different might help. “Be honest with yourself and others about how certain you are about your facts, and never state opinions as facts.”
If you do this, people will more readily challenge the ideas they have evidence against and trust you when they don’t. It also allows you to throw more ideas into the pot since you don’t always have to know the perfect answer before saying something.
When working as a part of a group on a complicated problem, it is valuable to throw in information of which you only have say 70% confidence, provided you qualify it with an explicit statement of such confidence ("I think", "maybe"). This is especially relevant in problems involving people/teams in large organizations - there it's often hard to know much for sure and planning becomes an exercise in probabilities and speculation.
Comments
Aside from the fact that I did not understand that "talk like a woman" thing, is the author advising us to stop the long-running advice of "speak precisely" with "say anything, even if you are not sure' with the only caveat being to let people know when you aren't certain of something?
That's like a public speaker telling me to say "uuhh..." in between my phrases!
You got it all wrong. The key point is that by adopting a conversation style where you cease to impose your beliefs as unquestionable facts and start to leave the door open for others to provide their observations and insight, you start to get observations and insights from others.
It's as simple as that.
And by the way, your personal opinion is not precision or an expression of a fact. Your personal opinion is just the conclusion you've made based on the information and experience you had up to that point. If you cease to be defensive about your opinions when sharing them with others, others will follow suit.
I don't think the advice entails lower quality discourse. The prescription here, read literally, is to say the same thing, phrased in a way that invites relevant discussion.
Language emphasising subjectivity can do several things - a) you signal uncertainty so that the group has a better idea of what's really known, b) you explicitly distinguish opinion from fact, c) you invite people to share their understanding so you can get on the same page.
The emphasis seems to be less the informational (a) and (b) and more the cultural (c). It's tricky - in some sense if you're certain, you undermine the force of your opinion this way. Comparing the two communication styles there's a tradeoff between reducing friction (unnecessary? examination) and encouraging communication in general, with possible benefits for cohesion, shared understanding and expertise but also the possible detriment of communal navel gazing. If you trust the studies this refers to, encouraging equal turn-taking overall has long-term benefits for productivity.
I think both approaches have failure cases where communication becomes ineffective. Individuals will adapt to each style to different degrees, and there's no total substitute for savvy folks who are alert to social forces at play, and guide discussions when team members over- or under-play their hands.
To share the generalisation used by this piece, the suggested conversational style is more hospitable to women. Where this article talks about psychological safety, equal participation etc., I think a lot of male engineers feel safe in much more confrontational and argumentative situations than women - they can even find a kind of fun in conflict, or regard it as totally impersonal, where many women would find it deeply unpleasant and to be avoided at all costs.
Maybe framing it different might help. “Be honest with yourself and others about how certain you are about your facts, and never state opinions as facts.”
If you do this, people will more readily challenge the ideas they have evidence against and trust you when they don’t. It also allows you to throw more ideas into the pot since you don’t always have to know the perfect answer before saying something.
When working as a part of a group on a complicated problem, it is valuable to throw in information of which you only have say 70% confidence, provided you qualify it with an explicit statement of such confidence ("I think", "maybe"). This is especially relevant in problems involving people/teams in large organizations - there it's often hard to know much for sure and planning becomes an exercise in probabilities and speculation.