I like these two passages:

"The team’s graduation rate for football players, as measured by the N.C.A.A., is below average."

"James did have one complaint, having to do with the music: “The other day he had like ‘Hakuna Matata’ or some [expletive] from ‘The Lion King’ playing, which I don’t think nobody wants to hear. He needs to bump some Lil Wayne on there.”