If I ever have kids, they get martial arts training. From someone who emphasizes self-awareness and a productive discipline, but who does not skimp on the full range of effective techniques and the physical training to achieve them.
They may like it more or less. Regardless, it will be a part of their schooling.
Bullying ends when you end it. There may be more than one way to accomplish this, but when you're outnumbered and out of reach of any help, you need to be able to manage the physical situation. (This does not necessarily mean the ability to defeat an arbitrary number of opponents; it also means being able to reason ways to extricate oneself, etc.)
And, sooner or later, you'll be there. This is true throughout society and throughout its various situations; cooperation is limited, and you're going to end up facing difficult situations on your own. "Civility" is a luxury that is not always available.
Being persistently without control can become a self-fulfilling situation. Those neural pathways get burned in -- just as they do with everything else we learn particularly through repeated experience.
I don't want my kids to be placed psychologically in that corner. I also don't want them to place other in that corner, which is why the physical aspects are not sufficient.
P.S. I've also learned that some physical injuries can be irreversible. It doesn't do you much good to know that a bully will eventually "go away" or "one day learn", if in the meantime you have permanent scars and worse to deal with.
As somebody who knows...skip the traditional martial arts and get them into wrestling and Brazilian Jui Jitsu. Anything else will just turn into an embarrassing situation.
As with anything, YMMV. I've taken Karate lessons (specifically shaolin kempo) since I was 4 years old, and I couldn't be happier. Just pick something that makes sense.
100% agreement. Simple rule, if your martial art training's only form of sparring consists of defending against pre-defined attacks or attacks done at less than full speed, then it simple won't be effective in a fight. Also if you only learn how to hit people for points rather than for damage then chances are that's how you'll hit when you end up in a real fight.
"Was valued" by whom? Are you pressuring me to conform with the local pro-non-conformity value system?
Anyway, I firmly believe that nonconformity is for adults. If you want to reject conformity you need to do it by choice, not by inability. You must learn to conform perfectly before you can non-conform properly. Otherwise it's not nonconformity, it's merely social incompetence.
Anyway, nonconformity is not the same thing as being a friendless loser.
My, you are a nasty little troll, aren't you? Nobody's pressuring you to conform with anything. That's the whole point of non-conformity.
And I call bullshit on your choice metaphor too. Whether someone's different due to choice, lack of ability, not giving a damn about fashion or if it's just the way they're wired, bullying them for being different is wrong.
It's kinda sad that I've been called a troll and modded down for being the only one in this thread to suggest that perhaps social skills and popularity rather than violence are the best way to avoid being a target of bullies.
bullying them for being different is wrong.
We're not arguing about whether bullying is wrong, we're assuming that bullies exist and arguing about what the best way to protect your kids from bullies is. And I still argue that a dozen good friends is worth a whole lot more than an orange belt in karate... and those social skills are probably a lot more useful in later life too.
not giving a damn about fashion
Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey. -- Ambrose Bierce
Having been bullied myself, social skills often don't make a difference. All you have to do is cross a bully's path on the wrong day and from then on your life's a misery. Once you're tagged low down in the pecking order, most kids will go along with the bully, so nobody will talk to you or give you a chance to practice your social skills, much less a dozen of them.
I had a friend in Uni who had to move schools twice - once to get away from the bullies, a second time when the kids at his new school found out that he'd moved due to being bullied. He was fine up until that point, but as soon as he'd been pegged as a victim, the bullying started up again.
So it's not sad that you're being called a troll. You don't seem to have a particularly sound grasp of what some kids go through, and yet you're quite happy to take up an inflammatory position (kids who get bullied are asking for it by not having social skills, and should just shape up). That's pretty much a textbook definition.
Comments
If I ever have kids, they get martial arts training. From someone who emphasizes self-awareness and a productive discipline, but who does not skimp on the full range of effective techniques and the physical training to achieve them.
They may like it more or less. Regardless, it will be a part of their schooling.
Bullying ends when you end it. There may be more than one way to accomplish this, but when you're outnumbered and out of reach of any help, you need to be able to manage the physical situation. (This does not necessarily mean the ability to defeat an arbitrary number of opponents; it also means being able to reason ways to extricate oneself, etc.)
And, sooner or later, you'll be there. This is true throughout society and throughout its various situations; cooperation is limited, and you're going to end up facing difficult situations on your own. "Civility" is a luxury that is not always available.
Being persistently without control can become a self-fulfilling situation. Those neural pathways get burned in -- just as they do with everything else we learn particularly through repeated experience.
I don't want my kids to be placed psychologically in that corner. I also don't want them to place other in that corner, which is why the physical aspects are not sufficient.
P.S. I've also learned that some physical injuries can be irreversible. It doesn't do you much good to know that a bully will eventually "go away" or "one day learn", if in the meantime you have permanent scars and worse to deal with.
As somebody who knows...skip the traditional martial arts and get them into wrestling and Brazilian Jui Jitsu. Anything else will just turn into an embarrassing situation.
As with anything, YMMV. I've taken Karate lessons (specifically shaolin kempo) since I was 4 years old, and I couldn't be happier. Just pick something that makes sense.
100% agreement. Simple rule, if your martial art training's only form of sparring consists of defending against pre-defined attacks or attacks done at less than full speed, then it simple won't be effective in a fight. Also if you only learn how to hit people for points rather than for damage then chances are that's how you'll hit when you end up in a real fight.
Everybody is talking about making sure their kid grows up with fighting skills so he can fight back when he gets bullied.
Why don't y'all just try to teach your children some social skills and general non-weirdness so that they're not the obvious bully magnet?
I thought non-conformity was supposed to be valued? Why should you have to conform just so you don't get punched?
"Was valued" by whom? Are you pressuring me to conform with the local pro-non-conformity value system?
Anyway, I firmly believe that nonconformity is for adults. If you want to reject conformity you need to do it by choice, not by inability. You must learn to conform perfectly before you can non-conform properly. Otherwise it's not nonconformity, it's merely social incompetence.
Anyway, nonconformity is not the same thing as being a friendless loser.
My, you are a nasty little troll, aren't you? Nobody's pressuring you to conform with anything. That's the whole point of non-conformity.
And I call bullshit on your choice metaphor too. Whether someone's different due to choice, lack of ability, not giving a damn about fashion or if it's just the way they're wired, bullying them for being different is wrong.
It's kinda sad that I've been called a troll and modded down for being the only one in this thread to suggest that perhaps social skills and popularity rather than violence are the best way to avoid being a target of bullies.
bullying them for being different is wrong.
We're not arguing about whether bullying is wrong, we're assuming that bullies exist and arguing about what the best way to protect your kids from bullies is. And I still argue that a dozen good friends is worth a whole lot more than an orange belt in karate... and those social skills are probably a lot more useful in later life too.
not giving a damn about fashion
Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey. -- Ambrose Bierce
Having been bullied myself, social skills often don't make a difference. All you have to do is cross a bully's path on the wrong day and from then on your life's a misery. Once you're tagged low down in the pecking order, most kids will go along with the bully, so nobody will talk to you or give you a chance to practice your social skills, much less a dozen of them.
I had a friend in Uni who had to move schools twice - once to get away from the bullies, a second time when the kids at his new school found out that he'd moved due to being bullied. He was fine up until that point, but as soon as he'd been pegged as a victim, the bullying started up again.
So it's not sad that you're being called a troll. You don't seem to have a particularly sound grasp of what some kids go through, and yet you're quite happy to take up an inflammatory position (kids who get bullied are asking for it by not having social skills, and should just shape up). That's pretty much a textbook definition.