I think it is time for you to take
Massive Action to improve your political, persuasion, speech, conflict negotiation skills. I’ll
Make some recommendations below after this monologue.
I worked in some very awful environments. My solution was historically to participate in what was going on and the ultimately become very upset and leave. Generally speaking, conflict is present everywhere but far worse in some environments and not possible to save.
You can either (a)attempt to clean the mess and make your new environment habitable or (b) keep your head down, ship your project and leave.
Your intent to do (a) is admirable and rare. If the culture has become toxic, attempting to survive is kind of like being a fish in a dirty fish tank. You can gasp for air and breathe your own poop in for some period of time but you are ultimately poisoning yourself by staying and the point of doing this isn’t clear.
The economy is currently at full employment. In this situation I would most advice getting out. You are never going to have an easier time finding a better paying job someplace else. Chances are we are headed into some sort of financial meltdown due to China, trade war, China retaliating against the United States tech sector, one or more countries leaving the Euro and the final deflation of our current bubble due to lack of interest rates.
If you don’t like where you are, it may become much harder to find a better job in the next year in which case - You get to breathe in your own poop for several years for no real gain to your own mental health.
If you are really sticking to it and mastering communication, psychology, politics and persuasion I recommend:
Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson
Never Split The Difference by Chris Voss
The Political Brain by Drew Weston
Influence by Robert Cialdini
Words That Work by Frank Luntz
Pre-Suasion by Robert Cialdini
Win Bigly by Scott Adams
Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton
I just bought this book but haven’t yet read it -
Radical Candor by Kim Scott
My recommendation to you is not to take the route of dishonesty, back stabbing, lying, deceit.
Do. Not. Participate.
Be the person who is ridiculously truthful. Draw clear barriers and IMMEDIATELY and POLITELY call out transgressions you see.
Awful behavior within the organization is like weeds growing in your yard. You must not tolerate a single weed. When you see someone doing or saying something (especially if they are being deceitful and you see through what they are doing), Call Them On It.
Nothing will suppress bullshit like pointing it out and making it clear that you see what is going on and would prefer it otherwise.
That is my lesson in my life. When I ultimately decided to be truthful it created this halo around me which melted all bullshit, zapped it like a bug zapper.
And don’t engage in shit talking other people.
Engaging in shitty behavior within a company is like farting in a submarine. There is no escape, no one is going anywhere, everyone is exposed to the toxic stink including you. There can be zero farting in the submarine before the culture can be fixed.
I don't think this can be emphasized enough. I've worked in toxic environments, and one guy once told it to me like this: you want to be careful of workplaces where people advance due to politics instead of merit. The problem is that your environment influences you and shapes you. You need to be constantly self-aware and make sure that your toxic environment doesn't make you into a toxic person.
But even if you don't participate, you likely will interact with a lot of narcissistic/sociopathic people. Natural self-selection dictates that good people will leave toxic environments and bad people will stay (or even be attracted to them). That in itself will be painful. Most advice I've seen about dealing with narcissistic/sociopathic people is to minimize your interaction with them because it's near impossible for them to change or even be self-aware of their shortcomings. And you are actively seeking to interact with them. Yes, it's an assumption that your org has a lot of these types, but I'd wager the assumption has a high probability of being true. Functional (as opposed to dysfunctional) orgs tend not to let such types get their way.
Know that if you stay, there is a psychological toll either way. You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain. Be careful that neither happens to you. If you emerge on the other side a more effective person, good for you. But good luck. It's not an easy ride. I benefited from the experience, but I'm not sure how much was worth it. In the end, it was easier to disengage myself rather than try to get really good at dealing with it.
This is so important. If you are a person of integrity, do not give an inch to the sociopaths who delight in backstabbing, the liars who have excuses for every failure, the gossips who constantly badmouth colleagues, the cheaters who create new problems at the drop of a hat, the manipulators who want to use you for their career path, the incompetents who claim the achievements of others, and so on.
Our life is precious and limited. Don't compromise your values. Don't compromise your virtues.
To add to the parent poster's advice of looking for somewhere else and not participte (which will take huge efforts and sacrifices), in the same lines of reasoning that we are what you eat, that we are the sum of our habits, we also eventually become our working persona.
If you don't like the behaviours and ethos of the people around you, ask yourself if you're OK to become like that, because you will, and not just in your work but it will become part of your personality, who you are, and how you behave with your friends and family.
Also, life's too short to spend half of your waking time in a toxic environment.
Comments
I think it is time for you to take Massive Action to improve your political, persuasion, speech, conflict negotiation skills. I’ll Make some recommendations below after this monologue.
I worked in some very awful environments. My solution was historically to participate in what was going on and the ultimately become very upset and leave. Generally speaking, conflict is present everywhere but far worse in some environments and not possible to save.
You can either (a)attempt to clean the mess and make your new environment habitable or (b) keep your head down, ship your project and leave.
Your intent to do (a) is admirable and rare. If the culture has become toxic, attempting to survive is kind of like being a fish in a dirty fish tank. You can gasp for air and breathe your own poop in for some period of time but you are ultimately poisoning yourself by staying and the point of doing this isn’t clear.
The economy is currently at full employment. In this situation I would most advice getting out. You are never going to have an easier time finding a better paying job someplace else. Chances are we are headed into some sort of financial meltdown due to China, trade war, China retaliating against the United States tech sector, one or more countries leaving the Euro and the final deflation of our current bubble due to lack of interest rates.
If you don’t like where you are, it may become much harder to find a better job in the next year in which case - You get to breathe in your own poop for several years for no real gain to your own mental health.
If you are really sticking to it and mastering communication, psychology, politics and persuasion I recommend:
Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson
Never Split The Difference by Chris Voss
The Political Brain by Drew Weston
Influence by Robert Cialdini
Words That Work by Frank Luntz
Pre-Suasion by Robert Cialdini
Win Bigly by Scott Adams
Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton
I just bought this book but haven’t yet read it -
Radical Candor by Kim Scott
My recommendation to you is not to take the route of dishonesty, back stabbing, lying, deceit.
Do. Not. Participate.
Be the person who is ridiculously truthful. Draw clear barriers and IMMEDIATELY and POLITELY call out transgressions you see.
Awful behavior within the organization is like weeds growing in your yard. You must not tolerate a single weed. When you see someone doing or saying something (especially if they are being deceitful and you see through what they are doing), Call Them On It.
Nothing will suppress bullshit like pointing it out and making it clear that you see what is going on and would prefer it otherwise.
That is my lesson in my life. When I ultimately decided to be truthful it created this halo around me which melted all bullshit, zapped it like a bug zapper.
And don’t engage in shit talking other people.
Engaging in shitty behavior within a company is like farting in a submarine. There is no escape, no one is going anywhere, everyone is exposed to the toxic stink including you. There can be zero farting in the submarine before the culture can be fixed.
Godspeed.
Do. Not. Participate.
I don't think this can be emphasized enough. I've worked in toxic environments, and one guy once told it to me like this: you want to be careful of workplaces where people advance due to politics instead of merit. The problem is that your environment influences you and shapes you. You need to be constantly self-aware and make sure that your toxic environment doesn't make you into a toxic person.
But even if you don't participate, you likely will interact with a lot of narcissistic/sociopathic people. Natural self-selection dictates that good people will leave toxic environments and bad people will stay (or even be attracted to them). That in itself will be painful. Most advice I've seen about dealing with narcissistic/sociopathic people is to minimize your interaction with them because it's near impossible for them to change or even be self-aware of their shortcomings. And you are actively seeking to interact with them. Yes, it's an assumption that your org has a lot of these types, but I'd wager the assumption has a high probability of being true. Functional (as opposed to dysfunctional) orgs tend not to let such types get their way.
Know that if you stay, there is a psychological toll either way. You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain. Be careful that neither happens to you. If you emerge on the other side a more effective person, good for you. But good luck. It's not an easy ride. I benefited from the experience, but I'm not sure how much was worth it. In the end, it was easier to disengage myself rather than try to get really good at dealing with it.
This is so important. If you are a person of integrity, do not give an inch to the sociopaths who delight in backstabbing, the liars who have excuses for every failure, the gossips who constantly badmouth colleagues, the cheaters who create new problems at the drop of a hat, the manipulators who want to use you for their career path, the incompetents who claim the achievements of others, and so on.
Our life is precious and limited. Don't compromise your values. Don't compromise your virtues.
To add to the parent poster's advice of looking for somewhere else and not participte (which will take huge efforts and sacrifices), in the same lines of reasoning that we are what you eat, that we are the sum of our habits, we also eventually become our working persona.
If you don't like the behaviours and ethos of the people around you, ask yourself if you're OK to become like that, because you will, and not just in your work but it will become part of your personality, who you are, and how you behave with your friends and family.
Also, life's too short to spend half of your waking time in a toxic environment.