Long entertaining article (which I intend to finish), but as usual short on actionable information.

Here's what I would like to have access to:

Input-

1) OS

2) patch level (for simplicity I should be able to input "current")

3) the AV software(s) on my box

Output-

1) known vulnerabilities for this system configuration

2) what could be lurking on the system that hasn't been detected

3) methods of detection for items under (2)

4) remedies (including rebuild your box, in the worst case)