This book is filled with great anecdotes and effective strategies. I've used a lot of them, however there are some downsides.
1) By constantly making people feel good about themselves, you create a sense of entitlement and pride which can be very difficult to work with when you need them to stand down. There is a reason they tear you down before they build you up in boot camp.
2) People who religiously practice this style of communication can seem annoying and manipulative, even if they are successful and popular. When I've followed the advice in this book completely, I've ended up feeling more popular but also more alone.
I've found a sprinkled dose reality check can be a good thing for all involved, particularly those you care most about.
I've ended up feeling more popular but also more alone.
Anecdotally, it seems to me that, on average, the most successful members of our society are lonelier than the average - celebrities go on about it a lot.
Luckily, people are motivated by different things. Many people are glad to be financially poor but well loved in their communities. Others prefer the alternative. None of this is good or bad unless it feels so to you. Was becoming more popular but distanced good to you? If not, I can certainly see why you might want to tone down the charm :-)
I'm much happier with real mutually respectful relationships - the kind you can't establish by acting like a politician. I find every time I play these flattery games with long term relationships, it keeps things rolling, but leaves a deep division.
This book is great for people who want to establish a network or run for office. It also provides food for thought in more personal relationships, but it's dangerous to act this way to real friends.
Comments
This book is filled with great anecdotes and effective strategies. I've used a lot of them, however there are some downsides.
1) By constantly making people feel good about themselves, you create a sense of entitlement and pride which can be very difficult to work with when you need them to stand down. There is a reason they tear you down before they build you up in boot camp.
2) People who religiously practice this style of communication can seem annoying and manipulative, even if they are successful and popular. When I've followed the advice in this book completely, I've ended up feeling more popular but also more alone.
I've found a sprinkled dose reality check can be a good thing for all involved, particularly those you care most about.
I've ended up feeling more popular but also more alone.
Anecdotally, it seems to me that, on average, the most successful members of our society are lonelier than the average - celebrities go on about it a lot.
Luckily, people are motivated by different things. Many people are glad to be financially poor but well loved in their communities. Others prefer the alternative. None of this is good or bad unless it feels so to you. Was becoming more popular but distanced good to you? If not, I can certainly see why you might want to tone down the charm :-)
I'm much happier with real mutually respectful relationships - the kind you can't establish by acting like a politician. I find every time I play these flattery games with long term relationships, it keeps things rolling, but leaves a deep division.
This book is great for people who want to establish a network or run for office. It also provides food for thought in more personal relationships, but it's dangerous to act this way to real friends.