The one I personally prefer is "don't demand people change what they're doing just because you don't agree with them."

This seems like the most sane, intuitive, and universally reasonable definition of tolerance.

Using this definition in the case of this Opal controversy:

- the developer wasn't being intolerant because he didn't demand anything of trans people, he only expressed an opinion;

- but the person who opened the issue was being intolerant by demanding the developer step down.